Friends now at a premium for Cakir

“A 36-year-old insurance agent from Istanbul knocked United out of Europe.”

Potted biography or witness statement? On the stand was the Daily Telegraph’s Henry Winter. His prose drenched with the hot sweat of injustice, he wrote furiously of a “grand larceny”, of an “unspeakable decision”.

You sense Cuneyt Cakir’s biographical details haven’t been dropped in here and there out of politeness over the last 36 hours. There is no mistaking the vibe. The greenhorn who sent off Nani is younger than Giggsy. A refugee from the cuddly world of risk assessors. Heck, you had us at Turkey, the spiritual home of a nod and a wink and a bag of cash. Still, at least Cakir will be afforded succour in the tender, protective bosom of his homeland.