Euro 2012 Diary

POT MEETS KETTLE

The unlikeliest sermon of the opening weekend surely came from Lancashire and Ireland’s Mark Lawrenson, who suggested during Germany-Portugal on BBC that Lukas Podolski really ought to be playing for Poland since “he is Polish”.

You might recall Lawro’s contribution to RTE documentary Green is the Colour, where he talked about his first cap for Ireland, coincidentally against Poland. “I’m 18, I’m playing in the old third division with Preston; I thought I’m never going to be good enough to play for England so I just jumped at the chance. I didn’t know which was our anthem and which was the Polish anthem. You just had to cough and go; I ain’t got a clue.”

FIT TO DROP

If a drum is worth banging, it’s worth banging loud and often. Fitness coach and ex-Wales assistant Raymond Verheijen has long insisted that training methods in English football are ludicrously out of date and put players at risk of injury.

Verheijen has been particularly critical of England’s preparation for this tournament, blaming the training regime for their legion of casualties. “Which amateurs are in charge of the England periodisation? Jurassic Park at international level.”

Advising Russia at the Euros, the Dutchman was quick to tweet his told-you-sos after the bright start from Dick Advocaat’s men. “The UK pundits could not believe Russia’s freshness yesterday. Because they also still live in the Dark Ages. Training in UK is prehistoric.”

NO JACKET REQUIRED

Can we expect a second-half fade-out from England in the plus-30 Ukrainian heat this afternoon?

In a bid to freeze out their old rivals’ hopes, French players will wear specially-designed jackets during the interval in Donetsk — each has eight pockets filled with ice, designed to regulate tired players’ body temperatures.

But while Laurent Blanc’s boys are chillin’, it seems Roy Hodgson’s charges might be hot and bothered — he has no plans to try the ‘Cryo Jackets’ on for size.

“That’s a new one on me, I hadn’t heard about that.”

TEARFUL GOODBYE

Maybe it happened a while back and we missed it. Perhaps it was simply the early-evening Lviv sun which gave it a halo we couldn’t ignore. Whatever it was, the passing really deserves to be marked after all these years. One of the bravest defensive performances of our time finally broken down.

The tuft is gone, that brave island of resistance in the face of rapid erosion.

Alan Shearer has gone full bald.

LIFE BEGINS AT 40

We are on the cusp of witnessing one of the most remarkable Ireland careers of them all, if Niall Quinn is to be believed.

Talking to the Irish Independent, Quinny observed: “I was given my first competitive start for Ireland at the World Cup in 1990 and stayed in the team for the next 11 years. I sense there are players in this squad — the likes of Darron Gibson, Shane Long and Jon Walters — who believe they can do something similar.

Whatever about the other two; Jon Walters will be 29 in September. Go for it, big man.

BEST BET

Anybody not tuned in to Sky on Saturday missed what was surely the betting opportunity of the century. “£10 completely free bet GER v POR,” promised SkyBet. But this wasn’t a tricky call between two of the world’s top 10 sides. On the contrary, this appeared to be something of a banker. The logos used to illustrate the bet were Germany and… Portsmouth.

GERMANY’S BOGEYMAN

Before and after Germany’s opener with Portugal, all the focus was on Jogi Loew’s pick. Before kick-off, it was Gomez v Klose and Hummels v Mertesacker, while afterwards only one thing took centre stage; Jogi’s nose and his fondness for its contents.

It’s hardly a new Loew, because Jogi has previous in this regard, of course. The dapper gaffer was last spotted tasting the fruits of a pick and roll during Germany’s meeting with Spain in the last World Cup.

On Saturday night, he was a good deal subtler in his finishing, but the result was the same.

Another strong argument against the use of video evidence.

GUFF-WATCH

Zero tolerance for profligacy from Martin Keown: “Why didn’t Robben just pull the trigger and shoot himself?”

Lee Dixon on the Simon Poulsen handball shout: “It’s not intentional but he knows what he’s doing.”

Ger Canning gets personal: “Boateng was photographed with a certain model in the early hours. Didn’t go down well, we are told.”

The argument in Chris Waddle’s head: “That was a great finish, but you could say it wasn’t a great finish because it didn’t go in.”

Alan Hansen earns his corn: “The only way you can win by playing those tactics is to win.”