Ugly and boring for the neutral but derby dominance is all that counts

ON those rare occasions when the world seems to turn its gaze towards Manchester, we Mancs will seem to be wholly unconcerned.

Yet secretly we were rather chuffed to hear Sunday’s match was likely to be the most watched English derby of all time, as the millions tuned in to witness the much-hyped duel of our Ronaldo versus their Robinho.

And I for one was equally chuffed that the resultant slug-fest would have thoroughly disappointed most neutrals, and that the two titans in particular were embarrassments on the day.

You see, Manchester derbies should really only mean anything to us locals. In fact, it almost feels indecent letting outsiders watch, as if they were voyeurs at an incest orgy.

Ugliness was the order of the day, which is just how it should be: only Manchester derbies are exempt from my usual rave that style and glory is all.

These matches are too important for that, I willingly concede. Our ugliest player scored an ugly winner, too: perfect! Mind you, the notion of a global audience being interested in the Blues will take some getting used to, after decades when foreign commentators simply referred to the Reds as Manchester: no suffix required.

I fondly imagine bemused young viewers in Bangalore puzzling over the on-screen captions: “Man-ches-ter Shitty? What is that father? Manchester’s reserves?” Right first time, son.

Blackburn can knock us out tonight, for all I care — Sunday will keep the endorphins flying for a fortnight minimum. But pause to note the shame that eight minutes of Ryan Giggs was the only Mancunian input.

Such laments for lost localism may be a thing of the past if the French duo of Laporte and Platini get their way.

Last weekend an EU meeting in Biarritz failed to kill off the ‘6+5’ plan to impose homegrown talent on European club sides.

A matter that is failing to get the press attention it merits. Wiseacres decreed long ago that this ought to have been crushed by now but still it lives. This may be due to the domineering effect of Sarkozy, de facto emperor of Europe, whose close pal is Bernard Laporte who refuses to give up on the initiative — presumably he must be confident that Brussels will be swayed by the sheer political weight of a Sarkozy-Platini combination which can out punch the G14. Certainly, if ‘6+5’ ever comes in, that would surely be the cue for Sir Alex to step down, as not even he would relish the task of having to rebuild under such onerous constraints.

I only introduce this Alex — OAP element, by the way, because he himself raised the matter yet again no Friday, instructing us to forget his previously issued statement about a cut-off point of 70-years-old.

He assured us that he never even thinks about the retirement question these days which was a tad unconvincing, given he was obviously thinking and talking about it at that very instant!

As ever with these sudden, unprompted Sir Alex outbursts, your immediate reaction is “Me thinks he doth protest too much.”

What’s the betting that when his recently announced second autobiography comes out — a rather obvious retirement indicator in itself — we will be told this was the week he privately set his own quit date, and perhaps even that he decided to accept the 2012 Olympic job managing a GB team?

I do know for a fact he has already had “warm preliminary talks” with Lord Coe’s organisation about 2012, so it wouldn’t surprise me. But then again, should I be so obsessed?

As our next league opponent’s boss said this weekend about 2002 when Fergie told him he was to quit: “What did he want me to do, cry about it?!”

Ah, Keano, God bless your brutal unsentimentality and grasp of the bigger picture.

As Roy says, “Managers come and go — Clubs are here forever.” Perhaps: Yet still I fear for a post Fergie United.

* Richard Kurt’s ‘Red Army Years’ is available for Xmas via [e-mail]