Jewell jokes while Derby crash and burn

SIX MONTHS and 25 games without a Premier League win, Derby County have lost most things this season, but not it seems their sense of humour.

Relegation — with what is likely to be a record points low — could be sealed as early as Saturday if results go against them, but manager Paul Jewell can still raise a laugh even if his latest bout of gallows humour came before the publication in Britain yesterday of lurid stories relating to his private life. “As with any relegated side there have been a lot of ifs, buts and maybes,” Jewell reflected after this latest setback.

“But it’s like the old saying, if my aunt had been born with balls, she’d have been my uncle.”

Still winless four months into the job Jewell concedes his wise-cracking facade is an attempt to keep what little spirit there is in the camp from fully evaporating.

“If I’m walking around with sackcloth and ashes that’s going to transmit itself to the players,” he said.

“I keep up the front with a few wisecracks but it doesn’t mean I’m not hurting. This is killing me inside.”

Goalkeeper Roy Carroll stood between Middlesbrough and a cricket score, although the hosts’ increasing reticence to push for a decisive second goal left them vulnerable to a late rally, only for an unmarked Rob Earnshaw to head horribly wide.

The miss merely gave Jewell more material. “It wasn’t really the story of our season,” he added. “Most of the time we’ve not even managed a late flourish.” The Arctic conditions, allied to the scant entertainment, ensured this encounter was no laughing matter, a fact not lost on Gareth Southgate, who also made a valiant attempt to lift the mood with an amusing admission regarding the blizzard and substitute Mohamed Shawky.

“It probably wasn’t the wisest decision to bring on an Egyptian in a snow storm,” admitted the Boro manager, whose side all but secured Premier League safety thanks to Tuncay Sanli’s well-taken sixth goal of the season before half-time.

With their next two games being against Chelsea and Manchester United, thoughts of a summer spent on the beach must be banished for a little while longer, although captain Emanuel Pogatetz insisted: “If we maintain this form we’ll be safe. One more win might be enough.”

MIDDLESBROUGH (4-4-2): Schwarzer 6, Young 7 (Shawky 65, 6), Wheater 7, Pogatetz 7, Taylor 6, O’Neil 7, Cattermole 7, Boateng 9, Downing 7, Aliadiere 7 (Alves 86, 6), Tuncay 8 (Johnson 86, 6).

Subs Not Used: Turnbull, Grounds.

DERBY (4-4-2): Carroll 9, Todd 5, Moore 6, Leacock 5 McEveley 5, Sterjovski 5 (Villa 38, 6), Jones 6 (Pearson 62, 5), Savage 5 (Ghaly 62, 7), Lewis 3, Miller 3, Earnshaw 4.

Subs Not Used: Price, Robert.

REFEREE: Martin Atkinson (West Yorkshire) 7: No Ashley Cole-style strops to concern Mr Atkinson who enjoyed a quiet afternoon and played his part in what little entertainment there was by attempting at all times to let the game flow.

MATCH RATING: ** Not a contest to live long in the memory, although the second-half blizzard that swept the Riverside did neither side any favours.