LA confidential

DESCRIBING life at Chez Beckham, the woman formerly and indeed currently known as Posh Spice this week told an ITV documentary of her critical contribution to the beautiful game as played en famille in the back garden. (Or, more accurately, one of the back gardens, I suppose).

“They put me in goal and all four of them kick footballs at me,” she revealed with a frown. Not for the first time in one’s life, the thought struck that there must be worse things in the world than being David Beckham — or even one of the three little Beckhams.

Which is a bit mean and, if the lovely Victoria is reading this — she’s a regular contributor to ‘Angry Fans’, as you know — then I hope she’ll forgive me. It’s just that, a lot of the time, she comes across as little more than a painfully emaciated pout on legs, and the image of her trying, in goalkeeping parlance, to “make herself big” is too hilarious to resist.