Soccer: A Christmas miracle would do nicely

THE peasants are revolting. And if you want the punchline for that joke, buy a Christmas cracker.

Red reaction to Southampton's fully-deserved victory measured on the Richter scale. The manager whined about phone-in nerds, but blithely ignored the boos of those fans who stuck it out till the final whistle.

It was about to get a lot worse. The local paper's Monday match report was scathing, ruthless and scrupulously fair.