Drills, dogs and ironing boards

WE WERE going to say that Richard Dunne must be kicking himself at the moment but that would be the kind of insensitive cheap shot that’s beneath this column.

Poor Richard, you’ll have heard, was so enraged by team mate Joey Barton’s provocation in a Bangkok hotel, that he took out his frustration by kicking a wall. Result: a crocked bone in the foot.

It might come as some small consolation to the Dubliner to learn that his self-inflicted wound is far from unique. Indeed, in the annals of freak injuries sustained by top players, Dunne’s own goal is pretty run of the mill.

Following extensive research (ie Google - or should that be Giggle?), this column is proud to present the First Eleven of bizarre football injuries.

1. Our own Robbie Keane once damaged an ankle by slipping on the television remote control.

2. Playing for West Brom, Jason Koumas picked up an eye infection from the fertiliser used on the pitch at Fulham.

3. When still at Leeds, Rio Ferdinand pulled a muscle after resting his leg too long on a coffee table whilst watching television.

4. Rio’s Leeds team mate Lucas Radebe aggravated a knee injury when he slipped on a patch of ice while taking out the bins.

5. West Brom’s Bob Taylor damaged his ankle as a result of friction from his new leather shoes.

6. During one of his more vulnerable spells at Liverpool, goalkeeper David James blamed playing too many computer games for damaging his concentration.

7. Hard man David Batty aggravated an achilles injury when his toddler ran over his foot on a tricycle.

8. Here’s a nice one: Darius Vassell decided to drill a little hole in a sore toe to release some blood. He gave himself a toe infection and lost half the nail.

9. Liverpool’s Michael Stensgaard dislocated a shoulder whilst taking an ironing board out of a cupboard. (As if the notion of a footballer doing his own ironing wasn’t weird enough, sez you).

10. When he was playing in goal for Chelsea, Dave Beasant missed the start of the 1993 season through an injury sustained by dropping a jar of salad cream on his foot.

11. Barnsley’s Darren Barnard was ruled out of action for five months after he slipped in a puddle of his puppy’s piss.