The first thing I learned in England was ‘whack’

CHELSEA’S big summer signings faced a grand inquisition when they were unveiled at Stamford Bridge the other week. Wayne Bridge, Glen Johnson, Marco Ambrosio and Damien Duff looked out at the press pack with a steely confidence and answered a flurry of questions clearly and convincingly.

Only Geremi stood out: he mumbled his replies in French and spent much of the session looking down at his feet, chuckling nervously to himself.

"I was laughing because I am excited to be at Chelsea," he explained once the crowds had cleared. "Chelsea are a great club. I knew it before, but I saw it for myself during my spell at Middlesbrough. When we played at Stamford Bridge, it was 1-1 and I scored from a free-kick."