England’s best-laid plans dwarfed

IN my absence a few weeks ago, I noticed Liam Horan handing out the bouquets to Martin Johnson, pictured, for trusting his players at the World Cup and allowing the bit of leeway for tweeting, pinting and conjugal visiting during the tournament.

It’ll make men of them, felt Horan, who, privately, has admitted to never feeling as manly as he has since joining Twitter. And you wanted it to stay fine for Martin, you really did, mainly because Horan has never been known to be wrong. But at the same time, you knew in your heart and soul this would end in tears.

And, maybe, if Johnson got a bad break or two, in dwarves being thrown. And so it came to pass.

We’ll say no more about it though, having shipped a fair bit of chastisement during the week from egg-chasers upset after I shared a little scepticism about The Ugly Game last Saturday.

I will say, however, that the alternative, seemingly strongly-held, view that rugby is a sport demanding incredible levels of skill and dexterity was hardly underlined by an advert on the Leinster Rugby website this week.

As it happens, the Heino champs are inviting any male over 6’6, aged between 17 and 23, to rock up to trials in Donnybrook as they cast the net for new second-rows.

Sure enough, no rugby experience is necessary, the recruiters insist. “In essence, if there is a will to learn, we have the technical ability to help.”

No wonder Horan misjudged the England situation so badly. When you can manufacture a player as handy as that, it might take more than a night or two off the leash to make a man of him.