Rocky: A Leinster blockbuster

IT’S CRYING out to be made, box office written all over it.

Already the outline has been scripted, the plot finalised, and the story surely writes itself. All we need now is a title. It could be called The Season, this unforgettable campaign when Rocky Elsom came to Leinster and in less than a year, turned the province from underdogs to top dogs. Well, perhaps not underdogs, but under-performers certainly.

The Leinster players railed against such collective insult of course, and given the kind of abrasion so many of their players brought to the game down the years, they had every right – it was unfair. All that was before Elsom touched down in Dublin, however.

“I was aware of the image they had, but when you say it’s unfair...if you’re not doing the business, you must be prepared for anything you get. When you’re winning, people can heap praise on you when it’s not really warranted, and when you’re going badly they’re not shy about giving it (flak) to you either. The guys didn’t really buy into that, but they know if we’re not doing the business we’re going to be criticised.”

Not anymore. During this, The Season, Leinster have shown immense courage, outstanding character, in game after game. In an ironic twist, as they ground out result after result, edged ever closer to this, their own Holy Grail, they were criticised now for a lack of elan for which they had been previously so derided – no flair, no fancy football as their high-profile backs flung the ball around for fun, scored tries with gay abandon, only to be then streamrolled into submission by teams with more heart, more soul, more steel.

What people were missing was that against this new Leinster, no-one was scoring tries anymore, not with guys like Brian O’Driscoll doing in the backline what Rocky Elsom was doing in the pack. “Brian is unique,” says Rocky, “It’s like you’d never tell anyone who wants to play outside-centre to do what he does, but he does it and it works all the time.”

He could be describing himself, couldn’t he? O’Driscoll is indeed a player apart, an outside-centre who has all the traditional qualities needed for that position – the ball-handling skills, the step, the reactions, the ability to spot the gap and take off, plus the ‘they shall not pass’ defensive mentality – but who also has all the traditional qualities of a top backrow forward – the ripping power in the upper body to turn over precious ball, the churning power in the lower body to gain the hard yards.

Rocky Elsom, as a back row, has all of that, but he too is a crossover, he too has those outside-back qualities, he too looks as at home in open field as Ireland’s captain looks at the breakdown. “Let’s put it this way,” says Brian, “We wouldn’t have won the Heineken Cup without Rocky Elsom. He’s a remarkable player, I’d say he’s probably the best player I’ve ever played with. He doesn’t make that many errors, he has a massive work-rate and his ball-carrying is frightening.”

You know something, we could even call this epic The Match, and just base it around Saturday’s performance. Biggest game of the season, Heineken Cup final; Rocky, having already picked up the man-of-the-match award in almost every game he started in his short Leinster career, puts in a performance that had the rugby world agog. Brian O’Driscoll is often called a force of nature; on Saturday, in Murrayfield, in front of the watching world, on a day in which all the elements were in place, Rocky Elsom was the Perfect Storm.

“This game was a test of wills,” he said, “and it was pretty satisfying. We had some problems with our defence, and we never have problems with our defence – prior to today we had left in only three tries in the whole tournament. We saw that and corrected it and that’s what won us the game – had we not done that we wouldn’t have been able to contain them.”

Test of wills? Little wonder then that Leinster triumphed, but much wonder at Rocky’s end-of-season tour-de-force. Even his own team-mates, hardened veterans like Mal O’Kelly and Leo Cullen who have played with some of the very best in rugby over the last decade and more, were left shaking their heads.

Said Cullen: “He’s a phenomenal athlete, strong, quick, and skilful as well – combine all that and you come up with the player he is, a world class performer. He’s a good lad, has blended well, and often that’s as important as the actual performances, but Rocky has it all. The important thing to note here is that he’s still at the peak of his career, still hungry for success – he’s been a huge asset for us.”

And O’Kelly: “He’s been man-of-the-match eight or nine times this season – he’s a man amongst boys at the moment, in his prime, and we were very fortunate to have picked up a player of his talents. He was hugely instrumental in us winning this title – what more can I say? He wasn’t just man of the match, he was man of the tournament. He’s probably as complete a player as you can get, probably the best I’ve seen.”

Oh, but what to call this blockbuster? Surely there’s only one title, and it’s perfect. It would open with Rocky running up Howth Hill, to a monumental soundtrack, and from that lofty height (on Dublin’s northside, which is fitting, now that we’ve had this seismic shift in Leinster rugby), Rocky would be looking down on the capital city. I can hear the chants now, just those two syllables, as the masses waited for the curtain to go up, their hero to appear, larger than life – why, there could even be a prequel, the years before Rocky joined Leinster, and certainly there will be a sequel. Will Rocky stay with Leinster, or will he head back to the Land of Oz, there to continue this fairytale?

Certainly his Leinster team-mates will be working on him to stay, but reading between the lines from the man himself, and with his international career on hold while he remains up north, it looks more likely that the Rocky story is set to be continued in the land down under.

“I’m Australian, I want to play for Australia. I’ve come here at a great time for Irish rugby, they’ve won everything really – it’s been a winning experience. But the big thing for me, I’m sure you’ll understand, is that I’m Australian and would like to play for Australia. I’ve had a great time but it’s not good for anyone to have to give up something like that.”

Whatever, the time is right to start cameras rolling – I can see a whole series in this, a whole saga.