Munster can't get break on keyboard

THE blood is up, lads.Ireland's World Cup odyssey in Australia was undoubtedly exciting but there is something about a big Munster away day in Europe that leaves you breathless and shaking with anticipation.

January is a critical month for Munster and, late at night, I use my hands to relieve some of the tension.

You see, I got a Playstation 2 for Christmas.

I wasn't supposed to open it until Christmas Day but the oul doll went to her mother's on Christmas Eve and I just couldn't resist.

I've been playing it non-stop since.

The game that has me hooked is EA Sports Rugby 2004, the one with a picture of Ronan O'Gara on the cover. The gameplay is a bit repetitive and it's hard to master the controls, but the reason it's so addictive is because you can play as Munster in Europe.

Thomond Park is reproduced in perfect detail (with Angela's Ashes rain generally teeming down) as are Donnybrook, Welford Road, Kingsholm and all the great European venues.

Unfortunately, the Munster squad is last year's vintage, so there is no opportunity to give Christian Cullen a run-out in red, but the quest to land the Heineken Cup, even in virtual reality land, is intoxicating and irresistible.

As an American organisation, EA Sports is dipping its toe in rugby waters for the first time and the game has a few glaring inaccuracies.

Jason Holland flakes around at high speed when, for all his qualities, he would be the first to admit that he is no Eric Liddell in real life.

Also, hearing the boos and whistles in Thomond Park during opposition kicks is a bit of a surprise, although not nearly as shocking as the sound of Leinster supporters actually getting behind their team. The things they can do with computers these days.

You also have a "create a player" option, which meant I was forced to drop Anthony Foley in favour of a 6'8," 18 stone, 100metres in 10 seconds, tackling version of myself.

A little childish perhaps but, hey, when you're 32 and staying up all night playing computer games while scoffing curly wurlys, childishness is pretty much a gimme. However, just like the real reds in the Heineken Cup, I cannot win the bloody thing. And it's killing me.

I have had eight tilts at the title and, with each game lasting 20 minutes and a minimum of six pool games, that adds up to a lot of button-pushing.

For the first three attempts I was getting used to the game and couldn't get out of the pool, even losing to Viadana in Thomond Park at one point.

The next effort saw us crash out in the quarters against Ulster in Ravenhill.

We were then beaten in the semi-final three times and the one time we managed to reach the decider, we went down to Stade Francais by a point. Stade took advantage of an injury to Farrelly early in the second-half (although Foley did well when he came on, in fairness).

But get this. On each of the four occasions the semi-finals were reached, we were handed away draws. I kid you not.

It seems we can't even get a break on Playstation when it comes to this bleedin' cup.

INCIDENTALLY, I make no apologies for use of the word "we." In journalism, you are always taught to be balanced in your writings but, when it comes to this Munster outfit, you simply hold up your hands and admit that you are a fan.

For, when "we" refers to a team representing you and your locality, a team full of players from that locality, it is entirely acceptable. When "we" is used by Irish people in reference to an English soccer team, it is entirely irritating.

These back-to-back games with Gloucester will decide the validity of Munster's latest bid to land this trophy.

Surely we cannot be denied again?

Even Stuart Barnes, the trumpeter of all things English, said that though his head says Wasps this year, his heart roots for Munster.

This has to be our year, the heartache, credit union loans and recently acquired thumb blisters cannot all have been for nothing.

I am not religious, but I appeal to whatever higher authority has the most influence here (be that God or the ERC) if Munster make it through the pool games, will you please, please give us a home draw in the knock-out stages?

Now, I have to go, the lads are outside in the van and we have got a ferry to catch.

I leave you with the immortal words of The Wolfe Tones' Brian Warfield "Here we go again, we're on the road again, we're on the road again, we're on the way to paradise ... "