Day One: Failed to fire on any cylinder!

And so the great day has dawned.

Mecca has relocated to Gloucestershire for the week. I have bowed my head towards the east and am praying five times a day (for winners).

You think the animals at Cheltenham are lean, mean and ready to run for their lives? You should see me. I’ve studied the form. I’ve YouTubed the races from last year’s festival. I bought yesterday’s Racing Post to see which bookmakers were offering free bets for new clients and I’ve topped up my existing accounts. I’ve had a haircut because my head cannot afford to be carrying even one pound overweight. I am locked and loaded. If I’m half-loaded by the end of the week I’ll be a happy man.