Chloe Watkins: 'I’m still disappointed with myself from the Olympics and still not over that yet'

How do you re-acclimatise to life after the Olympics? Watkins couldn’t watch the rest of the Olympics when she got home, even though it had almost a week still to run

Tue, 31 Aug, 2021 - 06:00

Brendan O'Brien

Decompression is a slow and gradual affair. Like a diver ascending from the depths, there are steps to be followed for athletes as they emerge from the bubble that is an Olympic or Paralympic Games.

It’s almost a month now since the Irish women’s hockey team returned from Tokyo and Chloe Watkins is still finding her feet. She was worried about that for a while, until she found out that many of her teammates were in the same boat.

This is how it is.

Games come and Games go, and our interest in them is bookended by the opening and closing ceremonies. There is no such neat delineation for those involved. “It has been a bit of a blur since I’ve been home,” Watkins admits.

How do you re-acclimatise to life after the Olympics? Is it natural to fill the massive void that comes with the end of a Games and a four (or five)-year goal when the bins have to be put out and the rain is coming down on a routine Tuesday morning?

Watkins couldn’t watch the rest of the Olympics when she got home, even though it had almost a week still to run. Too strange. That had been her world and now she was thousands of miles away. It may well have been another planet.

That first week back in Ireland was spent in exhaustion even if she was delighted to see her own bed again and happy to reconnect with family and friends. A little holiday certainly helped but it’s been impossible to cut the last of the emotional strands.

Sean Dancer’s side went to Japan looking to do something special but won just once and lost four times, failing to make it out of Group A. Making the Games for the first time was a standout achievement but the bottom line is that they fell below their own expectations.

“So you are trying to manage the two: everyone telling you how proud they are and how proud you should be, but you can’t help but then you know yourself that there were performances you can’t help but feel disappointed with.”

Time really is a healer. Watkins has at least been able to watch some of the Paralympics, but conflicting emotions continue to come in waves.

None of this is unique. Preparing athletes for the post-Olympic and Paralympic phase of their careers and lives is a key part of the Sport Ireland Institute’s brief. Among their consistent messages is the need to plan ahead.

Watkins returns to work this week and has accountancy exams to come before the end of the year but a campaign of what ifs can produce a lengthy tail of regrets for a side that started with an impressive Group A defeat of South Africa at the Oi Stadium.

“We’re all just having downtime but, myself, I am having flashbacks of games and things in my mind. I did watch one of the games back. I had to look and see what it was like and what happened.

“It’s frustrating and emotional because we were working towards something for so long and we are such a close group. We had been together for a long time and have high expectations for ourselves.”

That emotional investment was laid bare with the closing loss to Britain when the squad congregated in the middle of the pitch after the final whistle and words were spoken and many a tear shed.

Retirements are expected, at least three or four by all accounts. Big decisions all, but they need making within a relatively short window. Next up is a qualifying tournament for next year’s World Cup, to be held in Rome towards the end of October.

Others will step up, including some who missed Tokyo via injury or selection calls, but a new Olympic cycle is a natural moment for amateur players to take stock and ask where the road will take them.

Watkins is one of those with over a decade of service under her belt. It gets harder to stay on when friends and old schoolmates are getting on to the property ladder and up the rungs at work.

“I haven’t given it much thought. I’m still disappointed with myself from the Olympics and still not over that yet. I am still enjoying my hockey and I still feel like I have something to give and not quite given my best yet. So, from that point of view, I will have to think about things. I obviously have work and exams and other things. I’m 29 and I’ve been at it for 12 years now and so there’s lots of other things I need to assess and see if I can manage as well.”