Wet beaks, wet feet but no damp squib

For what Joe Brolly considered a phoney war, yesterday’s first game produced its share of mean hits and collateral damage. Nearly all of it in the studio.

Michael Lyster teed up Colm O’Rourke with the hospital pass. “You were down in the west this week, giving them your hard-earned money.”

Brolly’s distaste for the cynical foul and the cheap shot could wait. “I’m surprised you still have money left for the races, O’Rourke. Do your creditors know this? Does Nama know this? This is what O’Rourke does; flaunts himself in front of the taxpayer of Ireland.”

Nervous grins. Later in the afternoon, when Cork and Mayo got at it, Martin Carney would fret about private feuds that looked like exploding into something more significant.

As undercurrents go, it had nothing on the one lapping around Lyster’s knees.

Safely on dry land with Joanne Cantwell pitchside, Galway’s old legend Padraic Joyce didn’t set out a terribly imposing stall. “Once we’re not heading out the gate at half-time, we’ll be happy enough.”

Ciarán Whelan suggested: “They have been patronised a bit this week.” A flurry of early wides didn’t give Tom Carr any reason to deviate from that policy. “The good thing is, they’re decent wides, kicked with confidence.”

At least Thomas Flynn’s gallant surge — a goal for black card advocates everywhere — probably kept Joyce in his seat after the break.

Though Brolly would have had him already on the N4. “The game is over. Make no mistake about it. Galway are a team of ghosts. The team that wasn’t there.”

Having brought down the developers, the voice of the people now targeted Whelan, for his reluctance to tear down ghost estates just yet. “He never says anything. He’s like the younger breed of politician who says, ‘I’m glad you asked me that’.”

More nervous laughter as Lyster scoured the place for life jackets.

Despite the ghosts showing signs of life second half, Brolly decided they’d been damned with enough faint praise. “There’s no point in patronising them. You think those boys gave everything they had, you’re living in dreamland.”

And with no bankers in attendance for his next attack, Joe had to settle for impugning the bona fides of more of our elected representatives.

“They might have wanted it in the way the Rose of Tralee wants world peace. But she’s not actually serious about world peace.”

Someone had to stand up for the truth in her eyes ever dawning, O’Rourke, who had taken it all on the chin so far, defended her honour.

“Listen, without always talking Joe. Galway threw caution to the wind and made a match of it for 10 or 15 minutes in the second half.”

O’Rourke wasn’t so sure Cork could make a match of the second game, having changed their approach during the championship.

“If you try to change horses mid-stream you usually get your feet wet. I think that will happen Cork today.”

It proved the most prescient analysis of the day as an unfortunate close-up of the pre-match huddle showed one of the Cork lads relieving himself in dangerous proximity to colleagues.

Brolly waited to see what way the tide looked at half-time to splash around in the undercurrent. “Colm O’Rourke is wrong to say you can’t change mid-stream. Armagh have done it very effectively and changed their season. Cork have done it very well and are dictating the game.”

In commentary, Darragh Moloney called it a game of football chess. Ten minutes later it was near enough checkmate, as Cork bootsbegan to fill up. No hint of the drama to come.

“Mayo started messing,” reckoned O’Rourke. “A classic illustration of why Mayo haven’t yet won the All-Ireland,” felt Brolly. “Their Achilles heel. They conceded two awful goals, when they had put themselves in a winning position.”

Whelan wasn’t about to rule himself out of any by-elections that might crop up in the west. “They showed incredible mental resolve at crucial times to get them over the line.”

And if doubt lingers about Mayo’s ability to win the three matches needed in Croke Park, O’Rourke pointed out they at least pulled off a dry run.

“I think Mayo won the game about three times in the second half.”