Race for health has replaced race for wealth

BACK when I was young and it was sunny all summer long, I got a job in a garden centre.

The owner was a very observant man. One day while weeding in one of the greenhouses, I sensed that I was being watched. I turned to discover that the boss had been studying me. When I caught his eye, he said: “No matter what job you are given, you find a way of doing it sitting down.”

It was not a compliment. But he didn’t ask me to stand up. And given that he was paying me £1 an hour, I remained planted on my buttocks. But he was right. Manual work is not supposed to be a sedentary activity. And neither is sport, at least proper sport. This is why the British media annoyed me so intensely during the last Olympics.

They parroted on endlessly about their record medal haul without ever analysing the precise breakdown of their achievements. But I’ll do it for them. Of the 19 gold medals claimed by Britain in Beijing, 15 were won by competitors who were sitting down. They took four golds in sailing (toffs), two golds in rowing (public schoolboys), one in kayaking (weirdos), and eight golds in track cycling (there aren’t many velodromes in Africa).

It’s impossible not to admire any athlete who becomes the best in the world in sports that draws competitors from every corner of the planet. And if I was put in charge of things, Olympics medals would be graded.

The Grade One medals would be for the sports which stay true the ideals of the modern Games: citius, altius, fortius (faster, higher, stronger).

Sports which require high-tech equipment like track cycling, archery and shooting would be grade two sports.

Any sport requiring a horse would be grade three.

Boats propelled by oars would also be grade three and boats with sails would be banned.

Synchronised swimming, baseball, fencing, and tennis would all be delisted.

Why? Because I said so.

Those in opposition to my brave new world might complain that it is very elitist and I would agree with them.

An Olympic runner and an Olympic sailor should not receive the same medal.

As you might have detected, I have a higher regard for the sports which do not exclude the common man.

And if Britain’s self-congratulation over their champion ‘sitters’ was a source of annoyance, then the way Ireland has drifted into the same leafy suburbs is a source of concern and sadness. There was a time when this country produced genuine sporting legends.

Irish men who emigrated from these shores won medals for Britain and America.

We also produced our own icons. Ronnie Delaney, Eamon Coghlan, John Treacy and Sonia O’Sullivan triumphed on the track. Cross-country and marathon runner Catherina McKiernan succeeded in a sport now totally dominated by East Africans. George Best was the European footballer of the Year.

In a game where even the toughest can struggle to survive, Sean Kelly and Stephen Roche rose to the top of the pile.

Our streets have produced a legion of world champion boxers including Rinty Monaghan, Johnny Caldwell, Barry McGuigan, Wayne McCullagh, Dave ‘Boy’ McAuley and Steve Collins. All of the aforementioned deserve their place in the pantheon of Irish greats.

They were world class competitors.

Nowadays, we produce brilliant golfers: Pádraig Harrington, Graeme McDowell, Rory McIlroy, and Darren Clarke. Our list of champion pitch and putters is only surpassed by our all-conquering race-horses.

Our claim to sporting greatness is now deeply entwined with men wearing either Pringle jumpers or Barbour coats.

The Celtic Tiger has a lot to answer for.

Again, I don’t wish to be disrespectful to the aforementioned golfers, all of whom are excellent ambassadors who have flourished in an incredibly competitive arena.

But it’s still golf.

On my sporting scale, it’s strictly grade four.

Like snooker and fishing, it’s more of a pastime than a sport.

If John Daly can win a Major, then it’s a game that belongs in the same category as darts.

Unfortunately, it seems like an eternity since an Irish sportsperson triumphed in a proper, global sport. However, there is reason to believe that the current economic collapse might bring some fringe benefits. For starters, golf courses and country clubs are closing by the day. And the population appears to have become more aware of the benefits of an active lifestyle. We are in the middle of a sporting boom.

The roads are teaming with cyclists and the pavements are packed with runners.

Cycling clubs and triathlon clubs and springing up everywhere. To put it more succinctly, thousands of Irishmen and women have got off their backsides. It’s a great thing. Hopefully, if the children follow the example of their parents, it will not be too long before great Irish sportsmen are once again winning medals in the great sports.

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