MAN UTD: King Louis desperately needs fresh troops or Woodward’s head will roll

Gather round, kids: an Englishman is opening his storybook.

“Once upon a time, we lived through a golden quarter-century under an exciting cavalier of Scottish stock. Unfortunately, he allowed his crown to pass to a completely useless successor from the same clan and, after a mercifully short period, we had to be rescued from disaster by an imported Dutchman with a great European track record.”

2014 meet 1688 and if Louis van Gaal is to be United’s William of Orange, he’ll need to buck his ideas up fast.