Rooney furore is simply pathetic

JUST when you thought the British media and public couldn’t get any more pathetic, it would seem that the biggest football story of the whole week can be boiled down to this: ‘Rough Working Class Footballer Swears In Public!’

I fear there won’t be enough fellable trees to cope with the extra supplements that’ll be demanded when they uncover Benedict’s Catholicism.

United have lodged an appeal against the severity of the ban, the second such decision they’ve had to make within weeks, following the ludicrous farrago that constituted Fergie’s five-match banishment for a slip of the tongue. Yes, you read that right: for once, I’m defending the old man’s outbursts, for I genuinely believe he would’ve chosen a more judicious wording had he been able to reflect upon the matter, rather than be asked to react in the heat of the moment when a mike was being shoved up his red hooter.