Three Lions twaddle a mere distraction

SO how shall I put this differently from the dozens of times it’s been said before?

England; yeah, you can keep that insanity all to yourselves.

My respect for Chelsea fans never reaches an ant’s ankles at the best of times, but singing about John Terry’s country captaincy? Seriously? That’s an argument I reeeeeally want to get involved in. Which preening, overpaid, conceited moral vacuity should wear a cheap bit of cloth stuck on with a safety pin (presumably removed from the brat’s own nappy) for a sad bunch of perennial underachievers who irritatingly interrupt the REAL football every few months? Hmmmm.

That’s a two-pipe problem, Watson. The only interest any red has in internationals is which of our lads is coming home on a stretcher. There’s bound to be one, a basic grasp of the law of averages comes in handy.

We’ve seen Gerrard flogged to within an inch of his life while the other superstars put their feet up on the shoulders of the trainee in front of them.

In his Watford days, racists taunted Barnes — “N*gger goals don’t count” they said as he waltzed round 50 Brazilians — and the reduction of Redknapp to a tiptoeing show pony, the reduction of Fowler to a bit-part, Owen’s obsession.

Can’t be doing with any of it. This week’s drama centred on Carroll who has only just become fit enough to play for us. Capello thankfully didn’t need him to beat a side that have sadly reached San Marino levels in Wales. We’re not the only ones pining for a new Rush.

So anyway, the club (y’know, the important stuff) went into hibernation for a week, which doesn’t stop us from microscopically examining every burp emanating from the beautiful game’s epicentre.

Past as well as present. This will be the second anniversary of the weekend when Yossi’s brilliant late strike sent the Fulham away end into paroxysms of joy; “are you gonna belieeeeeve us?” Many did. It takes a heart of stone not to indulge in a little manly misting at this juncture.

Benayoun is one of 12 players who reached double figures in league appearances that season who are no longer here, for anyone contemplating any elaborate study on why Liverpool FC lost its way.

The manager isn’t here either of course, though he haunts us in more ways than one.

You wouldn’t call it a media blitz exactly, but he’s been talking to anyone who’ll listen (mostly allies) about how he’d love to return one day.

You’re labelled paranoid if you suspect that day would be yesterday if Rafa’s wish were granted.

In retirement Shankly became an even stranger bird than usual. In the end some people avoided him. When Rafa left Inter there were suspicious types that thought it had more to do with Hodgson’s trapdoor dance than any problem he had with Moratti and transfer funds. No one will convince me he couldn’t have done what Leonardo’s done if he’d just kept quiet.

Does he honestly think he would be welcomed back? Fans argue endlessly as they always do, but the very presence of the divide suggests he can’t ever return.

The delay in Kenny’s coronation gives the Benitez cabal a chink of daylight but maybe we finally have the rarest of owners; people who mean what they say.

It seems odd that our summer transfer targets are already being leaked. When other clubs do it to our players, we have a major strop and it wouldn’t seem in our best interests to trigger any auctions.

It might be a statement of intent at a time when the remaining weeks seem as appetising as a leper’s leftovers.

Everyone else on this page is licking their lips for the forthcoming attractions. We’ve not felt this isolated and useless since the bell tolled in 1999. There are chilling coincidences as far as ‘they’ are concerned; knocking us and Arsenal out of the cup, a hazardous route to a European final, Arsenal the only league threat.

So we quietly pray and hope our proxies do the business. We’ve been here before and always fought back.

If the title race and mouthwatering cup ties aren’t making our players jealous and doubly determined to return to the fray, they’ve no right being here at all. Trouble is, all our transfer targets will be similarly ambitious and choosing us will take a gambler’s courage and a fisherman’s patience.

That tightrope walk will have to wait for the summer.

When the season ‘officially’ ends.