A cold coming we had of it. How sport lifted our spirits
It’s difficult to convey the joy of being stuck at an airport at Christmas. The happy smiling faces of all the little cherubs playing with luggage trolleys after 10 hours of sleep deprivation. The cheerful banter of UK Border Agency staff in Father Christmas hats offering us wassail cups and acapella versions of Good Christian Men Rejoice to keep our spirits up. The bright and shiny foil blankets to make us warm.
All we need is TS Eliot’s “silken girls bringing sherbet” to complete the Yuletide experience.
Okay, it’s nothing like that in Terminal One really. More Tim Burton than Charles Dickens actually. I have retired to a corner of the Aer Lingus lounge, plugged in an M.R. James ghost story on the iPod (Gawd bless yer, Mr Apple, what would we poor people do without you at this season?) and fallen into a reverie.
Aided by a large hot toddy, here are my high spots and lowlights of 2010.
10) Right, dugout. You’ve asked for this: FC Cluj coach Sorin Cartu resorted to perspex abuse when his Transylvanian team conceded a goal on their visit to FC Basel, kicking in the sides of the shelter like a late-night clubber who’s missed his last bus home (http://tinyurl.com/3ygg2hg). The Swiss weren’t impressed, and he was sacked the next day.
9) Buster Keaton lives and is the coach of Saracens: When Brendan Venter takes his sad eyes and explosive temperament back to South Africa in January he will be a grievous loss. After a turbulent 16 months in which he has annoyed Leicester supporters (no bad thing) and wracked up large fines, his tour de force interview after losing to Racing Metro was a classic (http://tinyurl.com/28cptbk). Some rugby blogs described him as a “tosser.” They obviously suffer from an irony deficit.
8) Mitchell Johnson undoes the Poms: With England putting the champagne on ice for retaining the Ashes, enter Mitchell Johnson, previously hapless. His 6-38 first innings swing bowling haul is hailed as one of the great performances of Test match history. (http://tinyurl.com/2ev99y5).
7) It became very Messi: With their triangulated passing patterns, Catalan genius at the centre of midfield, and emphasis on home-grown talent, Arsenal like to promote themselves as the Barcelona of London N5. That went sadly wrong when they presented Lionel Messi with the freedom of the Nou Camp last April for a four-goal blast which blew them out of Europe (http://tinyurl.com/ykol4uj). Now they have the chance to expunge that memory next February and March.
6) Only connect: Those famous words were uttered by British poet Philip Larkin when he went to watch a boxing match in the 1960s. They would have been better written for Audley Harrison’s three-round humiliation by David Haye in Manchester last month (http://tinyurl.com/37hw4tb). But, for the Hayemaker, this painfully easy victory sets up lucrative heavyweight unification bouts in 2011.
5) The dampening of José: When Mourinho visited the Nou Camp in April so annoyed were the “more than a team” Catalans by Internazionale’s clinical dismissal of them in the Champions League that they turned on the sprinklers and turned off the floodlights to disrupt his moment of victory. Last month they had a better idea when their 5-0 destruction of Real Madrid delivered possibly the best football ever seen on this planet (http://tinyurl.com/2crhnbn).
4) England’s World Cup humiliation: Not the one against Germany in the summer but the rejection delivered by the wonks of FIFA despite top presentational skills from the likes of David Cameron and Lord Beckham of Leyton. They never had a chance, just like in South Africa. Great vid though (http://tinyurl.com/35juycy).
3) For Rod read Rafa: The first tennis player of the open era since the peerless Rod Laver, the Rockingham Rocket, to win three consecutive major tournaments during a calendar year (although the man from Majorca did it on three different surfaces). Nadal cleaned up the US Open, the French Open, and Wimbledon. His second Wimbledon title was won in the sun of London SW19. Remember sunshine? (http://tinyurl.com/24m5sxa).
2) Tipperary beat Kilkenny: No one listens to me when I talk about GAA, which is just as well because I don’t know what I’m talking about. But even I, as a rank outsider, could appreciate the drama. No five in a row (when is complete dominance ever good in any sport)? Last season’s beaten finalists bouncing back. Last season’s dismissal of Benny Dunne redeemed with a crucial point towards the end. What’s not to like? (http://tinyurl.com/2uce2ud).
1) Manny Pacquiao — The Greatest: Eight-division world champion. His demolition of the 17lb heavier Antonio Margarito in Texas was the compelling televisual event of the year (http://tinyurl.com/34jgwsy). Or you can hear him singing like George Benson here (http://tinyurl.com/yc4h6c9). Go on. Tell him he’s crap.
So that’s it. In a dismal year sport has done its very best to revive us. 2010 is nearly over, muttering like the Raven in Edgar Allen Poe’s epic spooky poem “nevermore.” To all Irish Examiner readers, wherever you are, have a happy and peaceful Christmas. Hosanna in excelsis.
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