Grasping at straws and more Teesside torment

THIS is how it feels to be in a title race; constantly winning yet eternally disappointed. It’s been a while obviously, but it feels strange.

To tell the truth watching United in any shape or form (even poor form) is not high on my favourite pastimes list.

Like an alcoholic who cannot enter a pub any more: you’re sorely tempted but you know it will make you suffer in the end.

Heightened by Rafa’s unsubtle questioning of referee impartiality, it now appears as if every decision goes their way and the rank stench of corruption pollutes the air.

Until such times as someone meets Deep Throat Riley in an underground car park these will have to remain the slanderous ramblings of the embittered second-best.

I turned 50 last month and one of the few benefits of ageing is that I really don’t care about this nonsense any more. The same bile flowed endlessly towards us during the 70’s and 80’s and I really don’t want to impersonate ‘them’.

Sat in a thinly-populated drinking pit, watching them languidly swat Boro, the eyebrow rose once or twice but the pulse scarcely fluttered. The only irritation was the repressed memory of our own wretchedness at the same venue making its agonising, pitiless return. If indeed all hope is now lost then Teesside is where we abandoned it.

A quick scour of the internet uncovered the usual subterfuge by officials. The rule of thumb in all such debate is pathetically simple; change the colour of the shirts to those of your team and what’s the verdict then?

If you’re saying you’d accept Gerrard being sent off for the same tangle Rooney was involved in, or Carragher to concede a penalty for that handball, then fair enough.

You’re not though are you? You’re most likely wondering how they dealt so effortlessly with Downing instead of the chronic, nightmarish hash we made of such a microscopic task.

And this is also part of the scenario, sifting through the soon-to-be ashes of a season and discerning where it went wrong.

Their manager has gone more than a little loopy of late. The size of Fulham’s dressing rooms? Seriously?

At the same time his team goes about its business effectively. If there is a lesson to be learned it’s that when our manager leaves the reservation the team’s form goes with him.

If Rafa wants total focus from his players he should possibly invest in a mirror after the shenanigans of January and February. With a six point cushion I doubt the Mancs felt much disappointment with Newcastle. They probably just shrugged after we’d crushed the Cartoon Army on Sunday.

If they expected a team full of yesterday’s men managed by a TV celebrity to make any impact at Anfield they’re as cracked as their manager. We missed the chances to make goal difference academic, though I suppose if we want United to lose twice it’s already irrelevant. Newcastle stands as a burning beacon for every football club that wants to get things spectacularly, absurdly wrong.

We were helped by a slightly offside opener, should anyone want to continue espousing conspiracy theories. The gap emerging between the big four and even traditional challengers is becoming a little scary. Shots at goal; Liverpool 27, Newcastle 1. That just isn’t right.

Some tiresome blog nerd tried on that wretched “ooo I’m such a rebel” guise by claiming the 4-3 in 1996 wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be. It was, and more besides. The black and white stripes are the same but everything else has changed. As a fan you normally relish such one-sided games but this one curled the toes. Shearer took his medicine without flinching and offered no protective weasel words for Barton.

I have literally lost count of the insane challenges on Xabi Alonso this season. It might even exceed the number of last-chance saloons Joseph has vomited in.

Owen’s brief cameo barely rippled the water. I’ve long since shrugged off his treacherous departure thanks largely to its grotesque denouement of comedy, calamity and kismet.

There were a few boos, though that may have been a reaction to the far too rapturous applause.

So now we have to trudge through it all again. There’s a smidgeon more expectation with the traditional Enemies City and Arsenal expected to put up more of a struggle on our behalf, but if that sounds a little desperate that’s because it is.

Beggars, choosers etc.