Flying high but still not sure if it’s for real

IT is always considered amongst matchgoing fans to be in extremely poor taste to revel openly in serious injuries to opposition players.

So I tutted slightly when one colleague opined this weekend that he didn’t know which goalkeeper calamity was funnier — England’s Croatian cock-up or Chelsea’s guardians dropping like flies on Saturday.

But the latter incident does remind us all that even a mighty, seemingly infallible strategic operation such as Chelsea’s can be waylaid, if only temporarily, by fate’s caprices.

Incidentally, one does marvel at the “Look-at-me!” headline-grabbing of Sam Allardyce as he offered to loan the Blues a spare keeper.

Big Sam is not exactly surrounded by the finest of odours at the moment, so the impulse to play Father Christmas come early is understandable. But really, Sam; behave.

By all means don’t kick ‘em when they are down — well, not when anyone’s watching anyhow — but less of the helping hand, eh?

An injury crisis is frankly just the kind of thing the doctor orders to keep the playing field level.

I know, it’s a grisly sentiment, to wallow in others’ real-life misfortunes.

Yet there you have it — show me a top six fan who isn’t secretly thinking that too and I’ll hang my head in shame.

Meanwhile, on we trot; if we dispatched Copenhagen last night, that would complete a satisfactory few days after the win at Wigan. Well, if you omit the first 45 minutes at Pie-Eater Central, that is.

It was a disgrace of a first half from United.

Playing 4-5-1 against an outfit like that? A colleague from the United Rant website summarised: “Once upon a time Ferguson deployed three in central midfield because he felt the need to protect Roy Keane’s ageing legs. Today it’s because he has become a coward in his old age — more scared of losing than sending his team out to destroy the opposition. Just as in Lisbon, two weeks ago. Has he forgotten United’s traditions? It’s almost sacrilegious.”

Regulars will know this is a tune I’ve been singing for some time. The Guardian all but repeated my words from last week: “United won the European Cup, scattering all before them, playing 4-4-2, so it was a mystery why Ferguson should favour a more defensive formation against a side of Wigan’s limitations. The system was changed at the interval.”

And how. Three goals plus memorable showings from Rooney and Ole — and an object lesson on how to chase a game using 4-4-2.

One shouldn’t get too carried way by such victories, which come close to the candy-from-babies category. You could certainly see why 5,000 locals chose not to turn up. But the display by Rooney has placed everything in a rosy glow.

As I predicted, the national Rooney crisis was just one of those black dog months we’ve all seen in the best, not some career-threatener.

Fergie, basking in his vindication, also took the opportunity to use the form-dip as a stick with which to beat England and Eriksson: “I don’t think it did him any good going to Germany in the physical condition he was in.”

Nice sly dig, Alex. And it has to be said that Fergie played a blinder on Wayne all week, supporting him to the hilt and taunting the press who made such a meal of Rooneygate — though even Alex can’t have expected his and my words to be proved so right within days.

So where do we stand, then? Try this: what autumn am I describing here? “United sitting pretty at the top of the League; the unpredictable genius who wears seven absolutely flying; the Old Guard producing the goods again after three poor seasons; and merely a few sideline-carpers claiming they’ll soon be found out.” Well, this one, yes: but also 1971. The carpers then were Clough and Allison, the number 7 George Best. There’s nowt new under t’sun, lads. United duly collapsed and were in Division 2 by 1974, although I think it’s safe to say relegation is off the agenda! Nonetheless, for some reason, many of us still can’t quite believe that we are really back in the game yet, the Arsenal defeat lodged in the mind’s forefront as an example of hubris preceding nemesis. So the Cloughie/Allison phrase “false position” is still muttered in these parts. The pessimist in charge of Red Issue, for example, editorialised last night: “United’s six victories have all come against sides struggling in the lower half of the table, whereas our two games against sides in the top half have seen five points squandered. If United have genuine hopes of a Championship bid, that’s something that has to be dramatically improved upon.” Fair point, and Sunday is as good a place as any to start. One can only salivate at the prospect of Wayne continuing his bounceback against his, and our, old enemies Liverpool. Don’t forget to pack your stolen mobiles, you Scouse missile-launchers.”

Richard Kurt is author of The Red Army Years.