Mayo pre-game speech (First draft)

LADS, ye’ve done really well to get here. I mean, ye should have really won it back in 2004, ye were probably too cocky, but now it’s different! (Pause for laughter)

Obviously a strong northern presence was needed — which is in no way to be interpreted as a condescending note — otherwise ye’d still be playing basketball in Ballina — hear that, McGarrity?

Anyways, here we are in an All-Ireland final. A few things to remember: first, don’t go down to the Kerry end to warm up. We want to avoid any unnecessary confrontations.

Second, don’t forget the weight of expectation. If ye lose today generations of Mayo people as yet unborn will have horrible psychological trauma visited upon them forever, which means it’s all on your shoulders. So make sure ye all relax and go out and play your own game!

Third, don’t bother coming back in here at half-time if ye’re losing, just stay out on the field and we’ll throw a few oranges out to ye. Now! Are ye ready?!!