It’s not a fairytale. It’s sport. And it’s been amazing

Yesterday I announced my retirement from competitive athletics. In this column I want to expand on my decision. It’s still quite raw and I’m a little emotional, but here goes my attempt to articulate it.

Tue, 24 Jun, 2014 - 01:00

Derval O'Rourke

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I love being a professional track athlete. It is, in my opinion, the most amazing and exhilarating job I could have dreamed of and I was in the privileged position of being able to do that for the past decade.

For me, performing at my best for Ireland with the pressure on was one of the best things in life. I relish the battle on the track and my love for it hasn’t waned over the years.

If anything, it continued to grow and I still feel passionate about the sport.

On the flipside, choosing a career like mine has meant many things and the tough one is at some point you must walk away at quite a young age..... early thirties is considered young, right?! For a long time now, I’ve been continuously motivated to be one of the best sprint hurdlers in the world. Through hard work, the right team and occasional strokes of good fortune, I’ve managed to crack this on occasions and be considered one of the world’s elite, company few people ever reach. I even became world champion in 2006, a title even fewer people have achieved. This summer my plan was to win the European outdoor title and in all likelihood walk away from the sport It was the fairytale ending I dreamt of for my track career.

Unfortunately, the spanner in the works came in the form of major Achilles surgery last August. I tried to take this on the chin and went about my business, trying to achieve my goal in the face of adversity. However, in recent weeks, the realisation set in that the prospect of being a contender at the European championships was next to impossible when I critically examined my recovery.

I thought long and hard and realised I could still go to Zurich and make the final if everything went right but winning would be almost impossible. Recognising this fact was far more distressing than my surgery last year. The thought of making it to Zurich without a realistic shot at winning made me incredibly sad. I cried. I didn’t want to go and not have a chance. I have two European outdoor silver medals, I don’t want to make up the numbers.

For better or worse, my attitude has always been that I run the big races to win, I never stand on the line aiming for less.

At every championship, I’ve aimed to win. If winning didn’t work out I knew I’d be damn close. Last year at the European Indoor championships I ran to win and I was one hundredth of a second off gold. That’s damn close.

My options for August appeared to be as follows: I could go to Europeans and try to make a final, a good achievement but for where I am in my career, it doesn’t thrill me.

Alternatively I could race at the end of the season and get ready for the indoor season next year. Physically, I’m in a really good place and thankful for that, because the track can be brutal on the body. My Achilles is great and my back is stable (an injury I’ve managed most of my career) but I lack the race fitness needed to pull off my best times. I’ve run 12.6 seconds and I know what it takes to be ready to run that and I’m not there right now.

So why retire, why not race next year? Well at some point, I have to retire. It’s never going to be easy, it will always hurt and this juncture seems like a good time to bite the bullet. The sacrifices involved in pursuing a track career are huge but all of them have been worthwhile. At this stage, I have to look at the bigger picture and decide what is best for me long term.

As cold as it seems, I needed to do a cost-benefit analysis of staying in the sport. The next big challenge would be European Indoors next year and while I believe I could do really well there, it doesn’t feel like I can justify the costs of staying in the sport another season.

When I was 23 and fresh out of college, nothing was too big a sacrifice. I worked part-time jobs solely to fund my dreams and every hour of the day was one I could use to improve and become a better athlete.

At 33, I have to think longer term and take care of all aspects of my life.

At the moment, my feelings about the decision are mixed.

I’m sad to walk away but I’m hugely proud of the things I achieved.

I’m also leaving still madly in love with the sport, something that may change if I tried to compete below par. I want to remember all the reasons why it’s awesome. I still have that pure joy that running brings.

There are so many people that have been a huge part of my career, so apologies for not naming you all. My family enabled me to set off on this path chasing my dreams and I’m really grateful for that. My husband Peter has been my biggest supporter in the past few years, I’m lucky to have him.

Since 2005, Sean and Terrie Cahill have coached me, they basically turned my dreams and ambitions into reality. It seems unfair to have my name alone alongside the medals and records when they were such a massive part of every single one. Their coaching and high performance expertise has been phenomenal and after spending a decade racing everywhere in the world, I know they are truly the best out there. I’m incredibly grateful for having them in my corner, not just in running but in life.

There is so much more I could write but for now, I hope I’ve shed some light on my decision.

The decision is still bittersweet and I’m letting it settle in my head. A massive thank you to everyone for all the support throughout my career, it’s very humbling to have had so many people be so supportive and kind to me.

Soon, I’ll begin to weigh up my options and think about the plan from here. I’ve lots of different areas of interest and I’ve always tried to keep up my interests off the track. At the back of my mind I know I had to set myself up for this day, so hopefully I’ll figure out the next phase.

I had no idea what I would gain from the sport when I started out. Becoming world champion and winning four European medals has been more than I hoped. As for the one that got away, I’ve been at three Olympic Games and my only tinge of regret is never nailing an Olympic performance. But it’s not a fairytale, it’s sport and it’s been amazing.

TWEETS ON THE RETIREMENT

Congrats on an amazing career @DervalORourke, it’s been inspiring to watch.

Olympic gold medallist Katie Taylor (@KatieTaylor)

@DervalORourke best of luck in whatever lies ahead for you!

Two-time Olympic medallist Paddy Barnes (@paddyb_ireland)

There really hasn’t been a better Irish athlete to watch than @DervalORourke Exceptional on world stage, power, class & a great interviewee.

RTÉ’s Jacqui Hurley (@jacquihurley)

Best wishes to @DervalORourke in her retirement. One of Irelands best championship performers & a great ambassador for the sport #athletics

Irish race walker Colin Griffin (@colingriffin)

Thanks @DervalORourke for everything you have done for the sport and the event. Always will be a hero and inspiration!

Irish sprint hurdler Sarah Lavin (@sarahlavin_)

Congratulations 2 @DervalORourke on a brilliant career. She has been a great ambassador for women’s sport and I’m sure will continue to be.