The heart of the Mata

When even the Old Bill are struggling to keep a straight face, you know you’re in trouble.

The story of the football week concerned the inebriated Manchester United fan who dialled 999 to report the crime of his team “being completely knackered” after Sunderland knocked them out of the League Cup on Wednesday. He also said that he wanted to speak to Alex Ferguson to discuss the “total and utter rubbish result”.

It’s one thing to be both pissed and pissed off when your team nose-dives but quite another when, as in this case, the Greater Manchester Police decides it’s worth making the matter public via a statement on their Facebook page.