A foolproof guide to help club stalwarts in the season ahead

The clocks have changed, birds are whistling in the trees, there’s a “great stretch in the evenings” and our fixtures page is bursting at the seams.

It can only mean one thing: a new club season is about to get underway.

After our never-ending winter, that’s a cause for celebration. But while football brings many rewards, it is also extremely demanding. These days any man carrying a few pounds is instructed to starve himself. Students 50 miles from home will be informed they must remain sober and return for midweek training.