Let’s settle this by scaling a 12ft wall

When fatgate broke — Jerry Kiernan’s personal operation transformation for upholstered Gaelic football players — I could not be drawn into the barney.

Simple reason; any quarrel between football and athletics was put to bed as long ago as 1980, when Bernard Brogan followed Pat Spillane’s lead to win the Irish leg of Superstars — the only known means, in the history of the state, of fairly settling these important matters.

Sure, Declan Burns and Gerry Loftus went on to make impressive cases for the natural supremacy of canoeists and trampolinists, even if having access to a trampoline in Ireland in 1982 would surely have bounced you into, at worst, the sport’s top 10.