Award-winning carry-on in GAA’s festive silly season
A strange year. It was the season when Donegal were berated for playing negative football. Yet the Dublin team that won the All-Ireland title defended with 12-men. Like I say, it was a year of twists and turns, and the following list of awards will attempt to acknowledge the quirkier aspects of the past 12 months.
‘The Down With This Sort of Thing Award’ presented by Councillor Alan Graham, the Bangor farmer, Christian, and Unionist councillor, who stopped global megastar Rihanna from filming a video in his corn field after she removed her top.
For: Not caring what everyone else thinks.
Winner: The Ulster Council for refusing to change the date for the first-round fixture between Down and Armagh which clashed with the Champions League final between Manchester United and Barcelona.
‘The News of the World Award’ presented by Rupert Murdoch and Rebekah Brooks.
For: People who have shown diligence in protecting themselves against information being leaked via mobile phones.
Winner: Donegal manager Jim McGuinness who asked all his players to hand over their phones because he was afraid of his game plan being announced to the waiting world.
‘The I Never Thought He’d End Up In That Job Award’ presented by Enda Kenny, the Taoiseach.
Winner: Peter Canavan, the new Fermanagh manager.
‘The I Never Thought She’d Spend A Day There Award’ presented by Rihanna, after her visit to the New Lodge in Belfast.
Winner: The Queen on her visit to Croke Park.
‘The Skinny Jeans Award’ presented by Paul Galvin
Winner: Jamie Clarke, Crossmaglen by birth, Gucci by design.
‘The Award for Outstanding Success in Negotiations With Their Employers.’ Presented by 200 solicitors from Northern Ireland who coined a combined £70m in legal aid.
Winner: The Gaelic Players’ Association, who have secured €8.4 million in funding from the GAA over the next five years.
‘Award for Best Footballer in a Non-speaking role’. Presented by Alex Ferguson.
Winner: Stephen Cluxton
‘The Mixed Message Award’ (for organisations) sponsored by the GAA and Guinness.
Winner: The GAA for accepting financial sponsorships from an alcohol company while at the same time encouraging its members to abstain from alcohol for an entire month.
‘The CCC Award’ presented by the chairmen of the country’s Competition Control Committees.
For: Cold, Callous Conduct
Nominees:
Derry: According to county secretary, Liam Peoples, five referees were assaulted in the Oak Leaf County during the year.
Tyrone: A referee was knocked unconscious after a women’s football match and a supporter had part of his ear bitten off when troubled flared during the county league final.
Antrim: A referee required hospital treatment after a crowd attacked him following an U21 game.
Winner: No winners.
‘The Managing Minor Miracles Award’ presented by Giovanni Trapattoni.
For: Achieving success with a limited talent pool.
Nominees: Terry Hyland, the Cavan manager who led his county to its third provincial U21 title.
Dermot McCabe and Gary Donohoe, joint managers of the Cavan team that won the Ulster minor title for the first time in 37 years.
Winner: Terry Hyland, his team beat a Tyrone side that won the All-Ireland minor title in 2008.
The ‘Slow Count, What Slow Count Award?’ Presented by Graham Shields, chief electoral officer in Northern Ireland whose staff took up to four days to count the votes from this year’s elections.
For: Failing to recognise the importance of lost time.
Winner: All-Ireland final referee Joe McQuillan. The Cavan whistler failed to take into account the 65 seconds which elapsed while keeper Stephen Cluxton made the journey from his position in the Canal End to strike the game’s winning point.
Special Awards
Darren Clarke’s guide to going on the mother of all rips after realising a dream.
Winner: The Dublin football squad
Angela Merkel’s guide to managing a financial nightmare.
Nominees: Tipperary, Kildare, Mayo, Galway….
Winners: Kildare. After four seasons of mega-spending and zero silverware, Kildare have amassed a staggering debt bill of €570,000.
Quote of the Year
“We played Sligo in a challenge match, it was a beautiful day. I thought someone was setting up a barbecue. I thought we were going to get burgers. But it was heartrate monitor machine which Sligo had brought with them.” — Derry manager John Brennan
Special GAA President’s Award for Consistency in Leadership. Presented by the GAA President Christy Cooney.
Winner: GAA President Christy Cooney.
After outlining his staunch opposition to the recruitment of ‘outside managers’, Christy Cooney was asked about his decision to recruit Kieran McGeeney, the outside manager in charge of the Kildare football team onto the GAA’s Standing Rules Committee.
The GAA President said: “Do I believe in Kieran being in Kildare? I suppose I don’t agree with outside managers so that is the answer to that.
“But does that man that Kieran doesn’t have a contribution to make within the Association?
“I see it very differently. I see that as two separate issues.”
