The no-show must go on

HAD a cracking idea for today’s offering.

A single, solemn paragraph would appear in this spot, reading as follows: “Our soccer correspondent declined to write his column this week, having at first claimed that he was neither mentally nor physically right to do so. After some further discussion, he offered an alternative explanation to the effect that, owing to language difficulties, he hadn’t understand the instructions he had been given by the sports editor (a Kerryman) and insisted that, at all times, he had been fully prepared to write on demand. The Irish Examiner has launched an internal investigation, imposed a record fine of approximately 25 years’ wages and decreed that, until further notice, his work will only appear in the small ads.”

Being that he’s a great admirer of symbolism, I knew the commander-in-chief would see this for what it was: a bold, imaginative slice of art imitating life and not, as lesser minds might suspect, a sneaky way to try to get off work early and enjoy the last rays of the Indian summer.