Offaly’s guide to the rules of engagement

HERE IN this corner of the paper we don’t claim to have a monopoly of wisdom on any subject, apart from what is now an uncomfortable level of expertise on Martin Amis’ sex life (has anyone who ever met this man NOT written a book about his “legendary” intimacies?).

But last week, with the dawning of a fresh hell in Offaly hurling — the senior team being ordered off the main county ground in Tullamore, threats that parked cars would be removed and what appears to have been the most crowded playing area in Ireland somewhere in Birr, we found ourselves on the shores of familiarity.

A county board-player stand-off? Draw up a chair and let the light music of whiskey falling into glasses form the background music while we offer those involved a brief guide as to what is expected...