You hear about the fella who searched for 32 beers – one from every World Cup country?

AN Irishman, an Englishman and a master brewer from a Dutch-owned beer company walk into a bar. And as Con Houlihan used to say: now read on.

After the lingering, wine-induced Parisian hangover, we now accept we will not be in South Africa tonight when the champagne bottles pop.

The party is about to kick off with all the cool kids already inside, while we wait at home – the now forever-famous 33rd team – constantly glancing at the phone, willing that text to pop in from Sepp.