Twilight guide to beating France (and Australia)

BECAUSE EVERY reader of this column is an intelligent cosmopolitan with his or her finger on the zeitgeist, you are all no doubt aware that next week sees the release of the new movie in the multimedia phenomenon known as the Twilight series, New Moon.

Unless you live under a rock – correction: unless you live under a rock which has no female organisms sheltering down there with you – you will be aware that Edward and Bella are going to be back flashing their cheekbones at each other today week, though obviously Jacob Black is going to have a lot to say about that, and as for those Volturi . . .

Ahem. Sorry. Got a little carried away there.