Snow place like home

HO-HO - hold the front page — a house with unrivalled south facing views is set to leave its new occupants feeling on top of the world.

Located at the North Pole, this hot property in the coolest of locations has south facing views to the front, to the back, to the side, and to the other side. They stretch as far as the eye can see in Summer, at least.

The vendor's identity isn't revealed by agents Grotto, Cave & Manger, acting jointly with Sherry, Tipple & Revel.

But it is understood this house has been in the same ownership for generations.

The vendor, now elderly and concealing his identity with a beard when glimpsed by this newspaper, is moving to Spain for health reasons.

"It's his last resort; his back is crippled from carrying heavy loads, in fact he is packing his bags as we speak," said the red-nosed auctioneer at a torchlight viewing.

"This property is ideal for a family who want space and privacy, with enough ground for a few reindeer and huskies," notes the GCM sales brochure.

"While the main, full en-sweet residence is compact, this unique property comes with a very substantial elf-contained unit with numerous bunk beds, as well as a very large and superbly fitted workshop," it says.

Another feature is the under-floor cooling and extensively ice-scaped gardens, it advises.

The sale includes thick carpets, heavy curtains and draught excluders, but does not include workshop tools, being retained by the vendor.

Storage space at this detached dormer residence is described as generous. In fact, the description applies throughout this fine property.

Vacant possession is offered from next Wednesday, and dispersal of remaining goodies and chattels is covered by the contractual Sanity Claus.

No price guide is given for the North Pole property, but intending purchasers can expect to be looking at Monopoly Money sums.

Sales route is by sealed tender, with letters of offer to be lodged with solicitors Chimney, Sleigh & Slush no later than December 24.