Colin Sheridan: Ireland needs to become a nuclear power — now that would be the bomb

We will never be capable of defending ourselves from invasion. We need an actual deterrent, and it can’t involve exposing our adversaries to The 2 Johnnies

Are you telling me Cillian Murphy couldn’t lead a lab of star-struck physicists to build a little hydrogen bomb that would be just big enough to scare both Washington and Moscow?

I’ve figured it out. What we need to do to stay relevant, protect our sovereignty, and insulate ourselves as a country: we need to become a nuclear power. I know how it sounds, little old Ireland. The apple of the international community's eye. Certainly the apple of Apple’s eye. And saying all of this, days short of the feast of St Patrick? Heresy, I know. But there’s a method to my madness. So, indulge me. There are few as brave as I’m about to be over the next thousand words or so.

It does not matter how much money we spend on defence, we will never be capable of defending ourselves from invasion, whether it comes from sea, air, or the intray of our LinkedIn profiles. They are coming for us, and by “they”, of course, I mean Russia and Iran. And China. And North Korea. And all of the Stans. Pick your Stan, you can be damn sure they have put little old Éire in their sites. Circled us on their Cold War era maps. Drawn a great big L for Losers over Athlone. We can drop tens of millions on enhanced cyber-security, fancy weapons systems and recruitment posters, but if Sergei wants to take the beachhead at Curracloe, there is nichego we can do.