Kids' activities are starting to feel like a cult — I'm out

Instead of packing our children's schedule with activities, maybe we could allow them some time out for themselves, writes Laurie Morrissey

My children have several wonderful sports clubs involved in coaching them in school time and they participate in a variety of competitive blitzes. File picture

We’re all talking about how insane our children’s activity schedules are. 

Between dropping and collecting, buying the gear, washing the gear, packing the snacks and downloading the apps, so much of our devotion to what our kids do in their spare time comes from a place of love and a desire to gift our children every opportunity possible. 

However, maybe we need to stand back and examine the craziness of it all.

When it comes to kids’ activities it can feel like we are often (understandably, and perhaps very Irish-ly) operating from a place of scarcity. 

We believe that if Sean doesn’t learn to play an instrument by age seven, or if Aoife isn’t playing tennis by 10, then the talent train will have left the station without them on board. 

This feeling of having to pack it all in while they’re still young is quite stress-inducing when, really, encouraging our children to become inquisitive about what they love spending their time doing might serve them better.

Free play is the most important activity any child can undertake, according to experts. File picture

All the experts say that free play, which incorporates the opportunity to be bored, to problem solve, for functional movement and so much more, is the single most important activity any child can undertake. And yet there’s not enough time for that.

We’re all too busy-busy in 'Dad’s Taxi' being “always on the road”. This busy-ness story we parents tell ourselves is literally becoming so yawn. 

Lack of downtime

And if it’s true that 92% of what children learn from us is through observation, their undertaking any activities will be pointless if they don’t see their parent modelling rest and hobbies and interests of their own.

This year my 11-year-old has started to develop a grá for hurling, which is brilliant because we love the sport in this house. We reckon he’s the kind of lad who might be a handy hurler when he grows into himself at 19 or 20. 

However, the U13 timetable is already saturating his schedule from February to November (we’ve been forewarned), severely encroaching on time available to him for his beloved soccer or visiting with family or — that increasingly elusive ambition for any human being — downtime.

My 11-year-old has started to develop a grá for hurling, but its schedule is severely encroaching on time available to him for his beloved soccer. File picture

What is unsaid is that clubs want children to choose which sport they’ll “specialise” in, an approach which discourages children from enjoying a range of interests and movement as well as, unfortunately and insanely, creating a barrier to longer-term talent development. 

The other unsaid is that most parents are facilitating their child’s doing it all anyway, a practice which is far too demanding of young, developing bodies.

Competition v fun

I learned recently that coaches receive training in relation to growing bodies and how best to avoid injury. This initially sounded prudent, until I came to my senses and remembered that no child should be training to the extent whereby they’re going to suffer from a strain or injury. 

What’s the hurry? Are activities focussed on gifting our children a fun time, skills and healthy habits or is it all about winning cups for the club? Even as I type I realise that’s probably a stupid question. 

The activities which I see thriving are steeped in a culture of competition and the entire set-up feels jarring to me. 

No less than when it comes to the deep weirdness of mandatory fake tan and hair pieces in competitive Irish Dancing, it can feel like some children's activities are run by obsessives who are well-meaning but not necessarily the people upon whose coattails we should all be clinging without some degree of introspection.

I’m aware that this piece reads sports-heavy and that’s because I’m becoming increasingly aware of how sporting organisations operate as well-oiled, well-resourced machines. 

Aspects of the arts barely get a look in when it comes to children's activities. File picture

My children have several wonderful sports clubs involved in coaching them in school time and they participate in a variety of competitive blitzes. 

This is super and serves to highlight the massive imbalance in terms of what gets to be on offer to our children as outlets for their growing minds and bodies. 

Aspects of the arts barely get a look in. (Hands up anyone who has been asked recently to pay for a bus to transport their child’s class to an art gallery? I thought not.) 

Undoubtedly there is a need for a range of supports in order to make other types of interests and skills accessible to children who might feel a pull to give something “different” a try. 

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The pressure on teachers to focus on academics over what are deemed as activities “extra” to the curriculum is not helping.

Burnout is the en vogue buzzword which started out as a way to understand the results of our always-on work culture but which is quickly trickling into the parent group chat. 

Perhaps rather than believing we need to give our children every opportunity, we could start to recognise and champion the many positives to be gained from a gentle, curious childhood. 

And you could put your feet up. Ironically, that sounds like a win-win.