No €1,000 pandemic bonus for family carers but maybe now we can live again? 

The announcement that restrictions are being lifted was warmly welcomed, and while carers are being overlooked in the €1000 bonus from Government and left scarred by the effects of the pandemic, we are now looking forward to a return to living.

With childcare centres and schools closed, home-schooling became the norm, with not always the desired effect.

Like so many across Ireland, I listened to the Taoiseach’s announcement on Friday at 6pm. I had eagerly expected this day for a while, and could not wait to hear if and what restrictions were being lifted.

Our day of hope had finally come, and despite the unusual level of optimism on the RTÉ News, my mind wandered back to the start of the pandemic in 2020, nearly two years ago. And back to January 2021, when we had reached a whole new dimension of doom and gloom.

The last two years were tough years for so many. Some lost loved ones, some were cut off from their family and friends cocooning, some lost jobs, some lost businesses, and a lot of us lost any resemblance of a normal life whatsoever.

Our lives were turned upside down.

Our little family of four was lucky in some ways, but also not so lucky in others. Our kids struggled majorly with a lot of the restrictions because of the changes of routine and the unpredictability of it all, and so did we.

With childcare centres and schools closed, home-schooling became the norm that rarely worked well for us. The pressures of having to juggle it all while managing my return from maternity leave meant I eventually gave up my job at the start of summer 2020.

A job with people and work that meant a lot to me. A job that meant we had two incomes and we would one day maybe, just maybe, no longer be renting.

No more.

From one day to another, one income for a family of four: not easy. A family that had additional needs for family support, additional needs for speech and occupational therapy, additional needs that were hardly ever met by the public health system.

Missed Opportunity

As Catherine Cox, Head of Communications and Policy for Family Carers Ireland pointed out last week, the Government has yet again missed an opportunity to acknowledge family carers as the forgotten frontline workers that they are.

Repeatedly, Family Carers have called for the €1,000 Covid bonus to be extended to all full-time family carers to show them their contribution to keep loved ones looked after during Covid-19 matters and they have not been overlooked once again.

“The simple fact is that an extra bank holiday will be of no help to them. In fact, it would potentially increase the burden of care as schools and day services would close,” 

Catherine Cox said.

The truth is we held up families without much else but love, cuddles and smiles in return.

Don’t get me wrong, those are the things I live for. But I also would like someone to acknowledge us, the majority of us being women, who had to make enormous sacrifices ever since becoming a carer, and never more so than during this pandemic.

For a lot of carers, our partner’s salary determines the worth of our work, and whether we qualify for the slightest bit of financial aid. Any support we do receive barely covers the therapies needed for our children that the public health system sparsely provides.

We deeply love those we care for, but we sometimes care for them at the expense of our own mental and physical health. The work we do is 24/7, 365 days of the year, often without much in the way of breaks or holidays. Many of us don't qualify for respite paid by the public system. God only knows why.

We do it out of love and we want to do it, but acknowledge us. Please don’t render us invisible and drown out our voices.

Our participation in life as others know it is not made easy. Too many barriers are in place for our elderly relatives with care needs or our kids with additional needs.

Inclusion and autism-friendly often just seem like trendy buzz words to me, often with little substance behind them. Actual inclusion is not as widespread and easy to come by as politicians' words make it out to be. Less words, more action, please.

Oftentimes we are left entirely to our own to figure out rare diseases, complex care needs, or, for example, a new autism diagnosis. We want to understand and learn everything about the needs of those we care for. We want to do right by them and make their lives just as good as the lives of you and me. But with little support, this is a Herculean task in some cases.

Too many barriers are in place for our elderly relatives with care needs. Picture: Pexels

Moving on?

Eventually, Lockdown 2021 ended and we could nearly feel the hope rising and shimmering in the air. The start of the well-needed summer gave people the sunshine and social interactions they longed for after a time of loss and sacrifices.

Another autumn and winter followed, and by Christmas 2021 Omicron had made a dramatic entrance and things were starting to feel a bit like Groundhog Day. The booster programme was frantically trying to protect people and the hospitals from being overwhelmed.

Nobody was sure what was around the corner.

The words “mild infection” and “less deadly” were being thrown around and I kept telling myself to keep the faith. This has to end sometime, doesn’t it? Or at least become more manageable and less life-altering.

After Friday’s announcement of restrictions being lifted, there is a palpable sense of hope and optimism floating in the air, but my mind still can’t process it all.

My heart is happy and hopeful, my feet want to run to the next pub for a pint and some well deserved child-free time with the other half, my face wants to be mask-free and breathe without my glasses fogging up at every turn, but my mind? My mind is feeling anxious.

Not anxious to stop living my life and be afraid forever, but anxious because two years of going against every possible human instinct to prevent infection and deaths have taken its toll.

The brain is an amazing organ. Neuroplasticity means it can adapt rapidly to all sorts of circumstances and new challenges. But part of the brain is also the limbic system.

The limbic system is our so-called lizard brain. It is ancient and operates on instinct mostly. It keeps us safe and is responsible for the fight or flight response. However, it can be slow to discard past experiences, even when the danger has passed. It takes time for your amygdala to regulate the stress response, even after the stressor has disappeared.

The list of reasons to be anxious seems endless after the last two years, but could it finally all be over now, or are we fooling ourselves?

It will take time. At last, we will dance, we will sing, we will travel. My children will get to see their grandparents abroad, finally, after a long time of no visits.

I will see my dad and bawl when he gets to hold his second grandchild for the first time. Years of raising my children without my family nearby have left unerasable traces.

I will eventually process these feelings, and allow myself to switch from merely existing, to living. Whatever our new life may look like now.

All of us need to be able to live again, breathe, enjoy things without feeling guilty all the time.

Yes, the pandemic isn’t over. People are still getting sick, people are still anxious. But I am choosing to live again. Please let us have that.

We need to live again.