Mark Smyth: Getting through pandemic is enough for all of us
Young people are struggling just like any sector of society. They need help too, writes Mark Smyth
Being young can be an exciting time, full of endless possibilities of where you might go, who you might meet what you might do. You will have gained more and more independence from your family and are well on the way to shaping your own unique identity. Then Covid19 arrived.
Many are using the phrase “this is our new normal”. Nothing about this is normal. We have an entire generation of young people whose heads have been melted by this experience. It has not been helped by there being a narrow focus on two specific groups of young people during Covid19.
It’s either been on the impact of uncertainty surrounding state exams or claims of marauding groups of feral teens unable and unwilling to adhere to social distancing requirements. What about all the rest who do not fit into either group? Young people often feel misunderstood and maligned by wider society, often mistakenly labelled as “snowflakes”. The reality is young people are our future, we need to be better at understanding their inner experiences, and not only understanding them but validating those experiences.
In a time of what feels like never ending uncertainty one thing is very certain, we all need to connect with young people’s experiences of living through Covid19. We need to hear their stories of frustration, boredom, loneliness and fear. They had hopes and dreams of graduations, part time jobs, J1 visas, finally becoming independent and leaving home for the next stage of their lives.
Instead, now they are stuck at home with their family, doing their best to adapt, to find motivation to get up every day and study, exercise, connect with friends online, on repeat.
There is also an expectation that young people will be submitting school or college work online during the day and video chatting with friends in the evening and for some that is possible. But there are also large groups of young people experiencing Digital Poverty, who have limited or no broadband or scarce data credit on their mobile plans. How do I choose between using my data to send in my work or connect with my friends?
We typically think of loss in terms of grief related to a bereavement, something that is occurring on a frightening local, national and global scale right now. But loss can come in many other forms too.
For many young people they will be experiencing the loss of what could have been, what should have been.
It’s equally tough being a parent of a young person. You’re could be managing the reality of facing into a 12 hour shift on the frontline, trying to work from home or wondering how you’ll financially cope having lost your job. Add into that your own melting pot of emotions and finding the time and energy to engage with the young people in your life and support them could feel like one ask too many. Or maybe that depends on the lens we look at it through?
Traditionally a gap can evolve between young people and the adults around them. A perception or reality that neither one understands or appreciates the perspective of the other. “You just don’t understand” is a phrase that would have been heard in most homes between young people and their parents. I wonder whether an unintended consequence of Covid19 might be that the gap in perspective between young people and adults might have narrowed. We now all share a common emotional experience. All at once we suddenly know what it feels like to be anxious, sad, lonely, uncertain. Radical genuineness is when you understand the emotion someone is feeling on a very deep level. Covid19 has levelled the emotional playing field for us all.
Now maybe the perfect time for adults and young people to take the opportunity to validate each other. “I know how you feel, I feel it too and it’s hard”. We can support young people through this crisis by validating that while the situation we’re all in is far from normal, the emotions that they are experiencing in response to this situation are entirely normal.
We can also support young people through this by recognising when they might be engaging in self- invalidation. This typically involves the over use of a small but powerful phrase “I should”. I should be studying more, doing a couch-to-5k, learning a new language, musical instrument etc. The message that we need to convey is that getting through this with our physical and mental health intact if we can is good enough, surviving this is good enough. What young people are doing day to day is the best that they can be doing and it is still equally true that we can do more. That’s where hope comes into the equation.
The one constant that will protect us more than anything? Hope. Hope is crucial, it gives us energy to keep going, for ourselves and others. When we feel despair at the latest catastrophic headline, we need to try to keep hope, hope is our psychological antidote to anxiety, sadness and despair. When young people are losing hope we have to try and hold it for them. Our young people are more resilient than they know they are, they can survive this and still work towards the futures they’ve dreamed of. In hope we will find our strength and in our collective unity and in our willingness to be there for each other, young people & adults alike we will persevere.
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