Sarah Harte: It’s not just about the bruises — domestic abuse takes many forms

Paul Moody's trial shows us that perpetrators of abuse are everywhere — and may seem to be  'well-liked, funny, and charming'

Paul Moody was ‘funny and charming’ at the start of his relationship with his victim. Picture: Collins Courts

You will have seen the grim headlines this week. You may have been unable to stomach reading the details. 

You may have heard snatches on the radio and turned it off because you couldn’t face listening to yet another case where a woman was violently abused.

Nicola’s abuser has been jailed for three years and three months for the campaign of domestic abuse and violence he waged against her, her family, and friends. Paul Moody is a former member of An Garda Síochána.

As a result of Nicola’s extraordinary bravery in pursuing a domestic violence case, in the face of the onslaught of domestic abuse she suffered at the hands of Moody, the issue of domestic abuse, and in particular coercive control has been spotlighted.

Coercive control 

Coercive control has been defined by Evan Stark, an expert on the issue who advises legislators around the world, as “a pattern of domination that includes tactics to isolate, degrade, exploit, and control victims” as well as “to frighten them or hurt them physically”.

In his book, Coercive Control: How men entrap women in personal Life, Stark explains how domestic violence is not necessarily violent, but “is a pattern of controlling behaviour more akin to terrorism and hostage-taking”.

He said it is important to remember that domestic violence may not always include physical violence.  Stark says that the three main tactics deployed by male abusers are intimidation, isolation, and control.

Victims of coercive control may have their movements monitored, where they go, what they do, and who they see. They may be told what to wear, and when they can sleep. They may have their access to money and even medical attention controlled. 

They will be undermined and put down, and they may be threatened. They may be cut off from friends and families. Some or all of these tactics will be present, but a commonality in all cases is that the abuser will want to control his victim. This control can extend to children.

You may think that you don’t know anybody who has suffered domestic violence, but you do.

One in four Irish women who have been in a relationship has been abused by a current or former partner. 

In cities, towns, and parishes across this country, behind closed doors, women are hidden victims of domestic violence, and they are from every social stratum. The perpetrators are our relatives, friends, neighbours, and colleagues.

Perpetrators in disguise 

A recent case that a friend came across in her professional life involves a successful medical consultant. His wife, once a professional in her own right, gave up her career two decades ago to rear their family. 

This man takes several holidays a year with his male friends, wears expensive clothes, and indulges himself in every way, while she must beg for money for the children’s shoes, to take them to the dentist, to put braces on their teeth.

She must justify every weekly expense down to her grocery bill, which he goes through item by item. 

This intelligent woman has been “utterly conditioned” (my friend’s phrase) to accept this behaviour. 

Her husband’s action causes no bruises, but they have left huge emotional scars. From the outside, they appear to be a successful middle-class couple.

Coercive control, although a new offence in law, has been around a long time, we just didn’t call it that. 

In his 2005 autobiography Memoir, John McGahern writes powerfully about it, describing how his tyrannical, abusive father distorted his sense of reality, and that of his six younger siblings in 1940s and 1950s Leitrim.

So completely had the normal world been subverted that, some years later, I told a priest who knew the family well: ‘We owe our father a great debt since he made great sacrifices in order to bring us up’.

The priest explained to him that he owed his father nothing. From that day onwards, McGahern began to see his father differently, but he provides a clear insight into how his father, like similar men, set himself up as the powerful patriarch who controlled everything in the domestic realm.

McGahern writes how at the end of every month, his father lined the children up and read out from a notebook what they had eaten that month. He would question them about expensive items such as butter.

A case hard to prove 

In 2019, when the Domestic Violence Act came into force, Ireland became only the third country in the world to pass a law making coercive control a criminal offence. 

Since then, there have been 53 prosecutions for coercive control, with seven convictions. It is not always straightforward to prove.

Madeline McAleer is research and development director of Haven Horizons, a domestic violence organisation based in Clare, that focuses on domestic abuse prevention, providing education and training modules to change professional responses and public attitudes to domestic abuse.

“Frontline professionals must move away from looking at incident-based violence, and focus on the sometimes seemingly insignificant behaviours of perpetrators that indicate patterns of controlling behaviours that increase over time, and insidiously erode a women’s choice, self-esteem, and quality of life,” she says.

Ms McAleer stresses that it is important to look at the “micro-management of women’s daily lives, [and] at what a woman and her children are not able to do”, and says that there are red flags professionals need to look out for.

“Professionals need to understand the importance of asking follow-up questions to elicit these details, and that completely different behaviour will be deliberately shown to family, friends, and colleagues, to ensure that the victim won’t be believed.

"Because a big part of coercive control is gaslighting, whereby the victim may present as lacking in credibility, and will sometimes be unable to even understand or articulate what has happened to them.”

Research shows it is the patterns of control, rather than violence, that are indicative of an elevated risk of homicide, she says.

Another commonality in coercive control cases is that the perpetrator may be charming and charismatic when he first meets a new partner. 

Nicola said Moody was “very funny and charming” at the start of their relationship. He was reported as being “very fashion conscious”. 

McGahern’s memoir depicts his father as a vain man who cared about his appearance, with a warped charisma.

Ms McAleer says where coercive control is concerned:

The perpetrator may present as highly credible and charismatic. This is a very effective strategy, akin to grooming.

A service to all women

Justice Minister Helen McEntee is to be commended for the zero tolerance strategy published in June to combat domestic violence, but reforming legislation is urgently needed to increase the maximum sentence for coercive control.

It was reported in this paper on Monday that according to Women’s Aid assessors carrying out “voice of the child” reports in family law, cases appear to lack understanding of coercive control, and the dynamics of abuse.

Detective Inspector Cormac Brennan commended Nicola on her 'immense personal courage', to stand up to her abuser. Her actions are sure to give hope to many women across Ireland  Picture: Collins Courts

In a submission lodged with the Department of Justice, Women’s Aid claimed that training is needed for assessors in family law cases in the dynamics of coercive control, so they can identify the process through which a child becomes estranged from a parent, due to psychological manipulation from the other parent.

Nicola, who is terminally ill, has done a service to all other women in this country who are victims of domestic violence and coercive control. 

Speaking outside the court this week, after Moody’s conviction, Detective Inspector Brennan thanked Nicola for speaking up:

 You can be proud of your immense personal courage, self-esteem and resilience.

Any legislative changes made to the law where coercive control is concerned should be called Nicola’s law. In time, we will forget Moody, but we won’t forget her.