Sit! Stay! Puppy training may be the only way to cope with that ten-gallon eejit, Ted Cruz

US senator Ted Cruz swanned off to sunny Cancún in Mexico leaving his poor little dog in his freezing home, looking sadly out the window at photographers, writes Terry Prone

US senator Ted Cruz swanned off to sunny Cancún in Mexico as his state, Texas, was devastated by power outages and interrupted water supplies in record winter snow and ice storm. Picture: Mega/GC Images

Day 136 

An email, on a Sunday, from the Director of Public Prosecutions stops me in my tracks. Now, at the best of times, I suffer from non-specific guilt. Meaning I have the self-condemnation you’d expect major drug dealers to experience, even though all you’ll ever get from me is an elderly Disprin. Because of that guilt, if the DPP is after me, I figure I deserve it and move straight away to hope for the odd visitor when I’m behind bars. I’ll probably be the only offender to express remorse before even learning what offence I’ve committed. It takes me three panicked readings to work out that this message actually comes from DPD, a courier company, rather than the DPP, and is demanding I pay customs fees up front on my purchase. It doesn’t specify what my purchase is, but I figure it’s the extra-large ironing board cover, bought as an investment in the future — some post-pandemic day, I may need a crisp shirt. I pay up with some relief.