Caroline O'Donoghue: I have elected myself Minister of Birthdays

Last week was my 30th birthday. My friends are quick to assure me that it was not really my 30th birthday, and that my real 30th will take place once lockdown is over. Once lockdown is over, I will have a real party. Once lockdown is over, we will put on small dresses and do the whole thing properly. I assume many birthday celebrants have been reassured with the same sentiment over the last two months.

1. Since neither the UK nor Irish governments have elected one, I have elected myself Minister of Birthdays. Somebody has to hand down an official decree on these matters, and since no one is brave enough, it is time for newspaper columnists to take on the role. Here it goes.