Colm O'Regan: Scientists found a key hormone called drool which counteracts the brain’s ability to do simple sums when ordering a takeaway

We are getting a lot (possibly a sad amount) of joy finishing off leftovers.

It’s part of our central philosophy that anything that makes you smug is good for mental health. The children are still doing their best to keep up the cost of the brown bin, but their leftovers are manky. We should really give them something nicer to eat but they need to have something to moan about from their childhoods or else they’ll have nothing to write columns about in future.