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Everybody’s out hillwalking, running, Ironmanning. Except me, writes Terry Prone

THESE days, if you’re not an outdoorsy sort of person, you’re essentially a discard. Everybody’s out hillwalking, running, Ironmanning. Except me. I believe if God wanted us to do that sort of stuff, She wouldn’t have allowed the invention of 4in high heels, which, let’s be honest, are the essentials of a decent life.

Normally, I tolerate all the predictions that my sedentary life will cause me to die young (not possible for a long time now) and that my work/life balance would be so much better if I got out into the country, saw a few trees and encountered a few rabbits. My view has always been that once you’ve seen one tree you’ve seen them all. And anything that can breed — as rabbits did in Australia — so they go from 2m to 6m in 10 years is so irresponsible that you don’t want to get up close and cosy with them.