"I just don’t fancy the idea of a second-hand mattress"

HOME, 8.30am. Our house has been denuded of certain essential items.

My son’s 10-year-old Manchester United toaster- that for a decade singed the lettering “M.U.F.C” onto our morning toast — has disappeared into student accommodation, along with several other domestic comforts, including an expensive memory-foam mattress from the spare room, which we need to replace.

“Just buy a second-hand mattress from Paul’s in town,” my husband says at the breakfast table, “I mean no-one really uses the spare room anymore.”