It’s a jungle out there in celebrity has-been land

I’D love to have come up with something important this week, like the state of humanity or whatever, but I’ve been too glued to I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here every night, and if I miss it, I watch in on catch-up.

Initially my kids can’t understand it. Why am I watching this awful programme that makes people eat unspeakable things and do dreadful tasks involving rats and bugs and goo? But I am too busy staring at the screen, hypnotised. Shhhh, is all I can say.

And then on the fifth night, when the children have accepted gruesomely stupid reality telly must be a new thing for mum, I call to them to come quick, because it is starting. Why are you making us watch this rubbish, they moan, wanting to get back to skyping their mates or online gambling or whatever it is kids do in their bedrooms. And then the 10-year-old focuses on the screen and shrieks, “OH MY GOD IT’S ANNABEL AND SHE’S GOT A GIANT STICK INSECT IN HER MOUTH!”