Illness is a test of true friendship and many of us are not very good at it

GIVE you the shirt off her back, she would, no bother.

She wouldn’t be the kind to force a shirt on you if you didn’t need it, but should you find yourself shirtless, she’s the friend you want. Reciprocity doesn’t apply. She won’t want anything in return. Not only will you gain a shirt, but she’ll convince you that wearing it in some way does her a favour. She’s just plain good at friendship and just plain bad at making negative judgements of others.

All of which goes some way to explaining why she was floored when, having been diagnosed with breast cancer three years ago, a close pal, after a phonecall sharing the diagnosis, went AWOL, in communications terms. She never phoned or texted or emailed or asked how her friend was doing, even though the two of them often found themselves in the same room at the same time. Nada. Not a dickie bird of curiosity or concern. The incurious “pal” (and those inverted commas are more than usually relevant) caused the patient to wonder how many other people in her situation have experienced “such wild extremes of fealty and neglect”.