Celebration of person’s life must not champion act of suicide

IN showing sensitivity in discussing or writing about suicide a new danger seems to be emerging.

In trying to understand the pressures that drive some people to take their own lives — and in showing sympathy towards the victims — a trend towards legitimising the act, implicitly at least and unintentionally, may be developing. In celebrating the lives of those who have died — without offering any criticism of the act of suicide itself — there is a danger that some impressionable people could confuse this with championing the act of suicide itself.

Journalists and broadcasters are bound by a number of things in attempting to assess the large number of suicides taking place in Ireland. In particular, there are strict rules in relation to the reporting of the act and there is the innate decency of most in not wanting to report on things that might intensify the grief of those who have been left to suffer the consequences of the suicide. Most of us are determined to respect private grief and personal privacy. The challenge is for the media to address a crucial public issue openly but with sensitivity. That is often easier said than done.

There are guidelines for journalists to follow. The HSE is often criticised but it has done fine work along with the National Union of Journalists is addressing the issue and in making suggestions about coverage. The Samaritans has also produced a fine document that makes a lot of sense and which offers good advice. They are particularly concerned about dissuading “copycat suicides”, where people decide to emulate others, particularly heroes, or fictional characters in television or movie dramas: unfortunately, there is evidence of a rise in suicides or self-harm after its depiction previously in highly viewed soap operas.

When it comes to newspapers we try to avoid sensational headlines and excessively prominent placement of stories. We tend not to publish photos of grieving friends and family, of memorials, or even the funerals themselves. We’re not supposed to describe a suicide as “inexplicable“, although unfortunately it is nearly almost impossible to offer an explanation for the dead person’s actions. We are not to disclose the contents of suicide notes. We do not publish details of the way the person died. We are required not to make suicide appear glamorous or a solution.

I am aware of suicides where the bereaved have requested that no reference to the act be made at the funeral or other public events, and most certainly not in the media. That is understandable. There was one suicide of a very high profile person recently where the term was not mentioned in any of the media coverage that I saw, although much mention was made of the victim’s very difficult financial position.

One can only imagine the distress suffered by chef Derry Clarke and his wife Sally Anne when they were questioned by a newspaper as to the true circumstances of the death of their 16-year-old son Andrew. They released a statement conceding that he had died as a result of suicide and not because of an accident as had been reported. It raises questions as to whether the media should report a suicide if the bereaved family does not want it to do so.

On the day that Junior Minister Shane McEntee died no reference was made on the broadcast media as to the circumstances of his death. The print media did that, somewhat to my surprise, the following day. It was the public statements of his family and of other politicians subsequently that caused a breaking of the usual guidelines as to not to speculate on the reasons for his action: criticism he had attracted on social media was given as a reason for his decision. While it is true that he was the subject of such criticism he also received very public brickbats from political opponents. There may have also been other issues in McEntee’s life, all of which were ignored by the media. But McEntee was lauded so much, and portrayed so much as a victim of a particular form of bullying, that this understanding might be viewed by others in a vulnerable position as an endorsement of his decision.

Here in Ireland I’m aware of a considerable number of middle aged men dying by suicide in recent times because they could not bear the weight of the debts they cannot repay. I know of one family that has lost its main bread-winner recently, a man with adult and teenage children who are experiencing a bewildering series of emotions because of their loss. Among those are anger and betrayal. They They cannot believe that he allowed his financial losses to overwhelm him. They loved him and wish that he was still alive.

I have no doubt that Independent Finian McGrath was sincere and well intentioned when he fell back this week on the old cliché of “abolishing the stigma about suicide”. But I would suggest respectfully that he is getting mixed up between suicide and the depression that leads to the action, that what we need to do is abolish the stigma that attaches to admitting to and dealing with depression. Just maybe we need to hold onto the stigma about suicide in one sense: while acknowledging and sympathising with the trauma that may led to somebody taking their own life we should condemn the action itself and insist that it is an action that nobody should consider, let alone take. By removing the stigma we are in danger of making it appear to some as a legitimate option. Do we need to increase the emphasis, to young people in particular, that suicide is innately wrong and should be condemned as a wrongful act? This may seem insensitive to those who are coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. But surely the priority should be to ensure that it is emphasised that suicide is never the correct option.

A FRIEND recently told me of a funeral of a young woman in the west of Ireland, aged in her early 20s, who had died by suicide. A neighbour was asked to speak at the funeral. He did so and, appropriately, spoke warmly and affectionately of the many fine qualities of the young woman who was being buried. And then he did something that led to other parents of children to rise and applaud him. He calmly but firmly said that the young woman had done something very wrong at the end of her life by ending it, that no matter much she was being celebrated and would be missed, that this action could not be condoned and should not be copied.

Any parent would appreciate that. A child cannot grow up to believe that suicide is an understandable or appropriate response to bullying on social media or any other form of upsetting life event. Suicide is not always the result of mental illness; sometimes it is a rash reaction to a temporary upset.

Depression is a very real problem for many people in Ireland, people who need help and who should not fear the consequences of seeking it. But can I suggest that there can be a difference between depression and disappointment when things go wrong? The life-skill perhaps that we need to impart to our children is not to expect that all will go right in their lives, to understand that they will suffer many disappointments and that some will upset them greatly. They will not get what they want. People will treat them badly. Sometimes no matter how hard people try they cannot get what they want. But there is still plenty for which they can live.

*The Last Word with Matt Cooper is broadcast on 100-102 Today FM, Monday to Friday, 4.30pm to 7pm.