Translating Irish into German

DOES anyone know the German for

“I was very fond of your mother.”

“My father and mother were fond of your father and mother.”

“I am entitled to natural justice.”

“I and my family have been very hurt by these allegations.”

“I did it for my children’s education.”

“I did nothing wrong, it was within guidelines.”

I am compiling a glossary of terms for the German ministry of finance officials who have to keep track of the money they will pump into this country when the bailout is eventually approved.

The nice German people have a good grip on formal English, but they will need a crash course in the unique application of the language within Irish public administration.

Of course, the mere translation of terms will not suffice.

The German, EU and any other bewildered officials sent to reform this backward country will have undergo an assault course and resistance to mental torture training in the snowbound Black Forest before facing into any conversation with an Irish public official. If only our public administration was as good at doing things right as it is at lying and covering up, we’d be sending money to Germany and learning the English-nuanced meaning for the German term “irresponsible over-lending to backward countries”.

When my German class are up to speed in the language of Irish corruption, I will move them on to advanced body language, sing-songs, getting drunk with constituents, lying about being drunk, declaring martyrdom and claiming your feelings have been hurt when questioned on radio or TV about being drunk or lying about being drunk.

Central to this module will be an appreciation of the unique Irish art of declaring commitment to notional regulation while at the same time making it clear you have absolutely no intention of complying with regulation.

I fear this is where I will lose many of my students, unable for the mental acrobatics necessary to keep up with the dark art of Irish public administration.

Declan Doyle,

Lisdowney,

Kilkenny