The idea of a National Government gets a voice – even if its a croaky one

THE man on the radio had a funny voice. Funny peculiar, rather than funny ha ha.

It kept breaking up on him, as if he had recently developed late-onset adolescence. One minute he would be no more than a little hoarse. The next minute he would sound as if someone had laid an Axminster carpet on his voice.

He was very bothered by it and kept apologising, although the rest of us didn’t mind that much. It was fun trying to work out who he was when he was normal. It was also fun trying to anticipate when the next roll of carpet would hit him. It seemed to happen in a completely random way, like a stammer, only more so. A stammer slows the speaker down just a little. Carpet covering the speaker’s voice stops everything.