Coming up with the best PR strategy for Mr and Mrs Woods

NOW, class, settle down. Settle down.

Our case study today is the issue you’re already talking about.

The story initially put out about Tiger Woods’s car crash – and how you would handle the issue if you were consulted about it.

The initial story was that Tiger leaped into his Cadillac at half two in the morning and whacked it straight into a fire hydrant. His wife, hearing the crash, rushed out, saw what had happened, went back into the house for a seven iron, which she used to bash in the back window of the SUV to free her husband and get him out onto the ground before the cops and paramedics arrived.

Now, PR students. That’s today’s issue. What we will address is how you’d handle the evolving issue. As always, the first priority, long before we even begin to think of issuing statements, is gathering and analysing the available information. Starting with the timeline, 2.25am is when the incident happens. Eastern Standard Time because Florida is the location.

On the ground, in the dark, we have a semi-conscious golfer. Said golfer is a household name even in places where they don’t have houses. Not only is he semi-conscious, he’s lacerated around the mouth and bleeding from those lacerations. Hovering over him is his wife, Elin, who is, according to the immediate reports from the scene, “frantic”.

To recap. We have an SUV closely engaged with a fire hydrant. We have the back window of the vehicle stove in, and we’re told this is because Elin had a go at it in order to free her husband. We have a seven iron, which, we’re told, was the instrument used to free him. The cops say alcohol isn’t involved. Now, what does all this information tell us?

It tells us that this will be the biggest sports-related saga in decades, for starters. It also tells us that the initial story, told at the scene of the SUV/fire hydrant collision, won’t stand up. We know it won’t stand up, even before we learn that the airbags in the car never deployed, which means that whatever it hit, it hit at less than 30m/h (sorry for the old-money measures, but America still deals in miles.) We know the initial story is getting its P45 even before we learn that the steering wheel, which, if you think about it, is the object a driver’s face would hit if the SUV came to a sudden halt, is blood-free, raising the question of what lacerated the driver’s face, since the steering wheel isn’t guilty.

Take the timing first, students. How many of you have left your home, wife and children in the middle of the night in a car? No hands. Well, let’s put the question a different way. If you were to leave them in the middle of the night, what might cause your departure? A desperate need for a drug fix? Hmmm. Doubtful, in this case. What’s that, Mairéad? A desperate need for chocolate? Oh, come on. We’ll gloss over that. A domestic dispute? Someone who wanted to get away from a row might get in their car at that time, certainly.

Now, let’s move to the window-breaking. If we assume the driver is stunned and his wife can see this, what’s the logical course of action? Right. Open the door and check if it’s safe to pull him out. Of course the door might be locked, although most cars don’t activate central locking when they hit something, because it would inhibit the rescuers. Then again, the door might be blocked by the fire hydrant. If the door is locked or blocked, what’s the next logical step? Correct. The passenger door. If you’re going to cave in a window in order to open doors and free the driver, are you going to start with the back window so that you have to drag a man who’s bigger than you are over the backs of two seats? No, I don’t think so, either.

What’s that? Good observation. Another fact to add to our compendium: when the police arrived, Mr Woods was lying on the ground in front of the car, so perhaps his wife broke the back window, got in that way, opened the passenger door and got him out that way. It would be a peculiarly circuitous route to the rescue of an injured man, but people do strange things when they’re in shock.

At this point, students, we can be certain on only one point, which is that we have a report given to the police at the scene that doesn’t match the forensics. Let’s move on.

Next piece of information is the video clip of the spokesperson for the hospital, reading a joint statement from the patient (Tiger Woods) and the hospital. One line, saying he was admitted, treated and released in good condition. The spokesperson reads the statement and, in answer to a barrage of questions, repeats those three pieces ofinformation several times. Fine performance by hospital spokesperson.

Feed in, at this point, a little background, courtesy of a publication called TheNational Enquirer, a supermarket tabloid which concentrates on celeb meltdowns and makeovers. Two days before the fire hydrant stopped the SUV in its tracks, The National Enquirer carried a huge story claiming that Tiger was having an affair with a nightclub hostess named Rachel Uchitel, who had travelled to Australia to be with him just the previous week. Uchitel denied the story. By way of context for that denial, here’s an earlier quotation from her about her approach to relationships and communications: “Although I’ve been romantically linked to a famous baseball player, a Broadway star, a musician, and various film and television actors, I will never kiss and tell…”

This may lead you to speculate about the – no. Someone up at the back has a question? Thank you. The question is: Did Woods issue an immediate denial of The National Enquirer’s damaging allegations? The answer is: No, he did not. But does that mean the allegations are true? Of course not.

The issue, for you, as public relations students, is how to address this stinker, because, no matter which way you slice it, it’s a stinker. Half of the publicists in America are blogging to the effect that he should address it immediately, or at the event he’s hosting tomorrow, where the usual crowd of cameras will be multiplied by a factor of at least 10. Hanging in the balance will be hundreds of millions of dollars in sponsorships and advertisements featuring Tiger.

Sorry? Say again? Right. Andrew suggests that this money is not hanging in the balance, that Woods is such a global sports figure that even an incident of – what did you call it, Andrew? Thank you. Even an incident of spousal abuse, assuming his wife walloped him with the golf club, is surmountable by Woods. Interesting proposition. Now, class, you have half an hour. At the end of which you will outline your PR Strategy for Mr and Mrs Woods.