Let’s have a cull of elephants in rooms and a closure on closure

I WANT an early doors closure on the elephant in the room.

I’ll open the early doors and do the closure later, but the elephant in the room is a real and present problem, so let’s start with him. Or her. Who the hell knows with an elephant? And who the hell is minded to explore elephant gender in the sitting room. Assuming it’s the sitting room the elephant is in. Nobody ever specifies. For all we know, the elephant is in the smallest room in the house, playing hell with the plumbing and with domestic hygiene.

The other thing that’s not clear is if it’s the same elephant, shifting between rooms, or vastly different elephants taking advantage of the property meltdown to move into any available unoccupied room. Only one thing is clear. Without this bloody elephant, no radio station (except those devoted to music and music alone) could get through any working day. He (or she) gets stuffed into the nearest room whether interviewers are exploring NAMA, the budget or the trade union protests. I even heard a fleeting reference in relation to Portmarnock Golf Club, although the gender of the elephant is obvious, in that case.