The woman who risked all over a fuel pipeline

RECENTLY I watched on television that victorious hunger-striking lady up in Co Mayo. Having ended her strike, do you realise what she did next? Why, she drove off in one of those infernal new-fangled automobiles. Is there to be no end to her audacious bravery?

Thoroughly researched in all matters gaseous, she must be only too aware that petroleum spirits are, weight for weight, potentially more explosive than TNT (just vaporise and mix with air first).

Furthermore, I have it on good authority that inside these so-called automobiles these highly explosive fluids are transported from a receptacle called the fuel tank to another device — a device both infernal and yet internal. This, in its workings, is too diabolical to be described to your delicate readers.

Suffice to say it is a sort of iron reactor vessel in which deplorable internal explosions are perpetually permitted.

The frightening thing is these highly explosive liquids and gases are moved from the fuel tank to the aforementioned reactor vessel via pipes… yes, it’s only too true… ridiculous, deplorable, pathetic pipes whose parameters are defined and designed by engineers... mere engineers, I tell you.

At the risk of scandalising your readers further, I feel I must also mention there is rumoured to be at least one other deeply perilous and high-pressure network of pipework in these horseless carriages.

A network whose failure must needs place all concerned — and the public at large — in immediate mortal danger.

It is not a topic for polite conversation. I realise that fully, and believe me I shudder to admit the possibility that highly engineered braking systems may exist at all.

But there, it is done now and I can only hope I have not offended your readers’ sensibilities beyond the limits of hydraulic recovery. But what an astonishing display of unalloyed bravery — to forsake the safe, reliable (and certifiably organic) donkey and butt and immediately to take the glorious struggle against the transport of explosive hydrocarbons by pipework to a whole new level.

Watching her drive off, I realised she is indicating by her almost insanely brave actions where the next new front in this struggle must be opened.

Onward Luddites! Onward to victory!

Stan Reynolds

The Old Schoolhouse

Toames West

Macroom

Co Cork